Building intimacy with a partner requires having explicit conversations about what turns you on, what turns you off, and where your boundaries are. Talking about your sexual history is equally important, and in a new BuzzFeed video, one brave couple delves into their sexual histories with each other. Through being vulnerable for a wide audience, the duo demonstrates just how challenging it can be — particularly for those in new relationships — to navigate the unknown pleasures their partners may have experienced. Some folks get really jealous thinking of their lover in the throes of passion with someone else, while other live for the juicy stories their partner has to share. Regardless of how the information makes you feel, however, it has a lot of value.
Although people do change and grow, there are certain aspects that arguably remain constant in our personalities and in our sex lives. For example, if your babe has historically been a sexual submissive, that's likely going to carry over into your relationship. And if you have been in a lot of open relationships, that's likely going to impact your choices in your new relationship, too.
Here are five reasons why it can be beneficial to talk about your sexual history, because communication is sexy AF:
1It's Good For Your Health
Talking about your sexual history means being open about everything from positions you enjoy to safe sex practices you partake in. And finding out what your partner has done in the past to avoid the transmission of STIs is important: do they believe in getting tested before an encounter or do they just wing it? Do they use protection every time without fail, or are they more laissez faire about it? If you really want to protect your own sexual health, it's imperative to have a conversation with your partner about how you both have practiced before and after care.
2It Can Strengthen Communication
Surviving an uncomfortably intimate talk with someone you're into is one of the earliest tests in a relationship. The more you practice, the better you get at communicating — maybe even to the point where nothing your partner could unveil about their sexual history could faze you!
3It Can Reveal Red Flags
One unfortunate result of talking about your sexual experiences can be discovering red flags you weren't previously aware of. If you're a woman dating a man who balks at your sex number or who shames you for sexual exploration, you might wanna confront him about his sexist attitudes — or just run for the hills.
4It Can Inspire You To Try New Things
Is your new partner obsessed with anal sex? Do they love role play, playing with candle wax, or sex in public places? Learning about someone else's sexual history can be a great way to window shop for what you might one day want to try.
5It Can Strengthen Your Bond
Although there's no requirement to fully disclose anything in your past to a new partner, some truths can feel thrilling to reveal when they are received with respect and understanding. And when you are able to have an honest conversation about sex, you're only bound to get closer.
Communication is a vital practice within any relationship, whether you're talking about your sexual history or your career goals, but given that sex is still considered something to be kept secret in our culture, it's even more radical when you can openly and honestly speak your sexual truth.