5 Ways Writing Erotica Improved My Sex Life
Last month, I was on the opposite side of the world from my partner and feeling — how shall I say it — horny. My mind began to go wild imagining what we could do once we reunited. I'd gotten into the habit of sexting him my filthy fantasies, and this time, I made a proposal: "I want to give you two blowjobs a day." I was so turned on by this thought, my imagination ran with it, and soon, I was writing a four-page erotic story titled, you guessed it, "Two Blowjobs a Day."
"I wrote you a story," I emailed him. "I hope you enjoy it. I'd love to enact it next time I see you." He replied, "I read it and I loved it. It made me horny as hell!" Just my goal. Spoiler alert: We didn't actually enact the story. I think it would've been a bit much for both of us. But just writing that down and sharing it with him changed my life. I got so into writing erotica, both for my partner and for myself, I began writing regularly for Quinn, a new platform where women can both find erotica and share their own.
Experts agree that sharing fantasies can do a lot to boost your sex life. "Start positive and be open to the conversation being a way of sexually exploring between the two of you," psychosexual & relationship therapist Kate Moyle, tells Bustle. And erotica lets you share your fantasies in detail. Here are some ways that writing erotica improved my own sex life — both solo and partnered — and might improve yours, too.
1. It Gives Me Custom-Made Masturbation Material
I didn't expect to get turned on by my own stories. After all, they were already in my head — where was the novelty? Boy, was I wrong about that. Writing down my sexual fantasies brings me to life. I'll often get aroused and need to masturbate while I'm writing them. And they somehow don't get old! I can read them the same way I read other people's stories on sites like Literotica, except the difference is, they contain the exact ingredients to turn me on.
2. It Helps Me Figure Out What I Like
Sometimes, it's hard to tell what you're thinking until you get it down on paper (or on your computer). This is just as true with sexual fantasies as it is with anything else. As I wrote down my fantasies, I realized certain themes kept popping up, and some acts would consistently get me all hot and bothered. When I wrote about past sexual experiences, I could figure out what it was I liked about them and then suggest new things to try with my partner based on that knowledge.
3. It Reminds Me How Good Sex Can Be
Before I started writing erotica, my partner and I were in a bit of a sex rut. The sex was good, but it was pretty much the same every time, and I'd forgotten that it could be any different. When I wrote stories based on past sexual experiences, I suddenly remembered how unbelievable some of the sex was that I'd had in the past — and that made me realize I wasn't having the best sex I could be having. This realization motivated me to actively work on my sex life so that it lived up to me and my partner's potential.
4. Erotic Stories Make Amazing Love Notes
Who doesn't want to hear that their partner has been having X-rated thoughts about them? I loved showing my partner all of the fantasies he was inspiring because I wanted him to know how wanted he was — and get just as excited as me. Any kind of love note or sext can make someone feel like a million bucks, but an erotica story starring them goes the extra mile.
5. It Gives My Partner Inspiration
In addition to helping me figure out what I like, my erotica shows my partner what I might like in detail so that he has ideas for what to try next time we have sex. Trying something new in bed is still a discussion you have to have before you're in the bedroom, but erotica can certainly provide a jumping-off point.
You don't need to be a professional writer to enjoy writing erotica. Just write from your heart — or, in this case, probably somewhere a bit lower. Bonus points: ask your partner to write their own, too. If you both sound ridiculous, at least you'll get a good laugh out of it.