6 Ways To Become More Confident In Your Dating Life, According To Science

by Kristine Fellizar
BDG Media, Inc.

When it comes to dating, confidence is one of the sexiest traits a person can have. But keeping your confidence levels up isn't so easy. When you're going on date after date and nothing ever pans out, it can really do a number on your self-esteem. Fortunately, there are some science-backed things you can do to be more confident in your dating life.

"Most of the frustration that accompanies dating stems from the negative beliefs we hold, such as, 'I'll never find a partner!', 'I'm destined to be alone', or 'There isn't anyone in this world who will love me,'" Cynthia Bowkley, empowerment coach, tells Bustle. "But these beliefs affect the way we feel about ourselves, the opportunities and possibilities we perceive that exist for us (or don't), and even the way we show up physically when we're out on dates!"

That's why confidence is so important. When you're confident in yourself and your ability to attract the right partner for you, dating can feel a lot less miserable and a lot more fun.

"We are all inherently desirable and lovable. Period," Bowkley says. So here are some things you can do to become more confident in your dating life, according to science.


Wear A Color That Makes You Feel Sexy

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Wearing the color red can boost your appeal and increase your attractiveness to others. But a 2017 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, also found that wearing the color red can influence how you feel about yourself. In the study, participants who wore red felt more "physically attractive and sexually receptive" than those who wore blue. The explanation is rooted in psychology. Since people typically associate red with passion and desire, those who wore the color felt more attractive because they "knew" they would be perceived as more attractive.


Take A Selfie

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People tend to like selfies because they make you look good. When you think you look good, you tend to feel good about yourself. In fact, a 2016 survey from TODAY and AOL found that 41 percent of adult women say that looking at selfies and other photos of themselves makes them feel more confident. That number jumped to 65 percent among teenage girls. So if dating is getting you down and you need a quick confidence booster, looking at your favorite selfie can help .


Wear Perfume On Your Dates

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Perfume really is confidence in a bottle. According to research published in the journal Neurobiology of Sensation and Reward, 90 percent of women in a study reported feeling more confident when they wore perfume. Another 2009 study published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science even tested this idea with a group of men. One group was given a "placebo" deodorant that had no fragrance at all, while the other stuck to their natural scent. The men were then told to record a video, which would then be rated by women. Before and after the study, each man was told to grade their self-confidence. As it was found, those in the placebo group saw increases in self-confidence after putting it on, while those who weren't saw decreases. Women also rated the men in the placebo group as more attractive because their body language displayed confidence.


Listen To Bass-Heavy Songs As You Get Ready For Your Dates

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A 2014 study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that listening to music can increase your confidence levels and make you feel "powerful." Participants were given over 30 songs from multiple genres to listen to. They were also told to describe how powerful they felt before and after listening to the song clips. As it was found, the song lyrics or the type of genre didn't matter. Songs that were bass-heavy left participants feeling and acting more confidently.


Strike A Power Pose In Front Of The Mirror Before You Go Out

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One super easy trick to make you feel more confident is to strike a power pose. A 2010 study by social psychologist Amy Cuddy found that your body language can shape who you are and how you think of yourself. In the study, participants were told to sit in a "high-power pose," which was more open and expansive, while others were told to do a "low-power pose," which involved leaning inward with your legs crossed. Everyone was told to hold these poses for two minutes. As it was found, high-power posers not only felt better afterward, but they also saw increases in their testosterone levels and decreases in their cortisol levels. You don't have to strike a power pose in front of others in order to feel its affects. Holding a power pose for just two minutes can help you focus on all your strengths, which can then give you a confidence boost.


Think About Moments Where You Felt Really Good About Yourself

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A 2013 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that "power-priming" yourself before an important event can help you feel and act more confidently. All you have to do is think about a time when you felt confident and really good about yourself before a big event. Thinking about an event in the past that made you feel powerful can help you bring out those same feelings so you can feel more confident. This can work for anything like job interviews, presentations, and first dates.

Overall, dating can be tough. But if you keep these tips in mind, you can have the confidence you need to have a successful dating life.