You might imagine that
old-fashioned flirting techniques are much less effective than today's habits. After all, what can making eyes over a handheld fan or softly touching someone else's hand really accomplish? According to experts, a lot. If you've been with your partner for a while, you probably don't show them the tiny, flirtatious gestures that meant so much at the beginning of your romance, but continually wooing them can be key to keeping your relationship strong.
"It’s very important to flirt with your partner," Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of
tells Bustle. "Flirting is a way of communicating without words. Couples need to develop flirtation techniques to keep the fun, intimacy, and humor alive in their relationship." Start off by paying attention to your body language when the two of you are together, which can have a surprisingly big impact on the intensity of your connection, Dr. Tessina says. Something as small as shifting so that you don't have an arm or a leg creating a barrier between you can help them feel more open to you. Then, it's all up to you. Now that you and your partner have been together for a while, you're at an advantage because you know exactly what kinds of things get them going, so you'll be able to flirt more effectively than ever. Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today,
Here are some
old-fashioned flirting techniques your partner will love, according to experts. Anastasia Gepp/Shutterstock
Once you've been settled in a relationship for a while, it can be easy to forget to be silly every now and then. But bringing flirtatious games into the picture can be a great old-fashioned way to up the romance. "Pretend your partner is someone you just met, and turn on your charm," Dr. Tessina says. This will work even better if you bring the role play scenario to another location. For example, pretend to pick each other up in a park or at your favorite bar. Being so focused on your partner like this will help show them how interested you are in them, she says.
If you've ever swooned at the scene in
The Notebook where Noah says, "I wrote you every day for a year," you know how special handwritten notes can be. Before texting was ubiquitous, many couples would write long, passionate love letters to each other, and that's a great way to flirt with your partner a bit. "If you would like to make your partner happier, leave love notes for your partner regularly," Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR, a licensed marriage and family therapist, art therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle. "Whether you write 'I love you' in a lipstick heart on the bathroom mirror, leave a bright pink post-it on their car window, or handwrite a real love letter," she says, "it is nice for your partner to receive something sweet that they can keep as a memento."
In times as early as the Victorian period, societal standards often made it difficult for couples to get a lot of alone time together before marriage. Instead of physical contact, they often had to rely on subtler (but still very hot) flirting techniques like "making eyes" at each other.
Anita P. Stoudmire, MA, LPC, a dating and relationship coach and licensed professional therapist, tells Bustle that sustained eye contact like this can be a very effective way to flirt even now. Next time the two of you are at a party together, try this out. "Long, slow gazing at each other across the room is amazing," Stoudmire says. You can also try licking your lips or smiling softly at them. Goran Bogicevic/Shutterstock
Dancing with a partner these days often means grinding at a club, but even something a little less sexual can be a flirty way to
connect with your partner. "Spontaneously dance with your partner, and spin, dip, and twirl each other," Corrin Voeller, a couples counselor and owner of Prosper Therapy, tells Bustle. "Flirting can be fun, and laughing will release feel good hormones making you feel even closer to your partner," she says. If you want to get really sweet, try a spontaneous romantic slow dance.
Do you remember the saying “They had me at hello?" Something as simple as telling your partner good morning each day can be a powerful old-fashioned technique in your relationship. "Regular communication and gentle greetings are important,"
Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and author of , tells Bustle. "When you greet your partner it helps make their day better," she says. If you live together, try giving them a kiss while you wish them a good day. If you don't live together, try sending an encouraging text. Taking the time to pause and check in with how they're doing is a simple but effective way to show how much you love them, Sassoon says. The Art of the Date
If you're a busy couple trying to work hard and get things done, it can be tempting to fall into a routine of scheduling time together. But a spur-of-the-moment romantic gesture is one old-fashioned way to keep things flirty between you, Celia Schweyer, dating expert at
Dating Scout, tells Bustle. "It doesn't have to be grand; the simplest ones tend to be the sweetest," she says. "You can make breakfast in bed, take them to their favorite park, or send some gifts over at their workplace." Think back to the cute gestures you did when the relationship first began, and bring one of them back when they're least expecting it.
Kiss Their Hand Or Forehead
old-fashioned gestures that have been almost forgotten," Schweyer says. "However, if done right, they can generate more butterflies in the stomach than say, a hug can." Instead of going straight for a kiss on the lips, try this tender gesture. "This will give your partner comfort and assurance," she says. "After all, intimacy can also be conveyed through innocent gestures such as these."
Whether you surprise your partner with a spontaneous meal at the restaurant where you had your first date or try making steamy eye contact from across a crowded room, they're sure to really feel the love. After all, getting your undivided positive attention is priceless.