It's no shocker that a lot of women like to watch porn. In fact, a Marie Claire survey of over 3,000 readers found that nearly a third of women watch porn every week and almost 10 percent watch it every day. But not everyone is interested in it. Which is fine, but I'm very much a 'try anything once' sort of person. And I think it can be hugely beneficial to take a look at it, even if you don't think you have a fantasy or kink you need to work out. Because you never know until you try.
“A lot of women I talk to say they don’t have any fantasies,” Carlyle Jansen, sex therapist and co-founder of the female-friendly Toronto sex shop Good For Her, tells Bustle. “Their partners ask them what they fantasize about and they’re like, ‘I don’t know… Nothing?’ I know that I didn’t have fantasies before and it was reading erotica that got me fantasies. But certainly someone like Erika Lust, who has lots of storyline in her short films, gives you some suggestions on what your fantasies might be.”
Whether it's erotica or straight up porn, there's a lot to be said for doing some exploring just for the sake of it. If you don't like it, that's totally cool — you don't have to make it a regular thing. But it's worth checking out, for a lot of reasons.
1
It's Not All Like You Think It Is
Firstly, you probably have an image of porn being a bunch of glassy-eyed women making unrealistic noises. And yes, that definitely happens in some mainstream porn. But not all porn is like that. There's also erotica, feminist porn, and enough Tumblr GIFs to keep you busy for years. In fact, I would highly recommend checking out MakeLoveNotPorn and a number of other amazing sites that are just about showcasing real people having *real* sex.
2
It Can Be A Useful Relationship Technique
If you've reached a bit of a sexual rut in your relationship— or even if you haven't— porn is a great way to enhance things and learn about each other. “It could be helpful to ask the person to watch sex films with you to talk about what in the films is interesting, enticing, or a turn-off,” clinical and research psychologist, Nicole Prause from UCLA tells Bustle. “Watching sex films before being sexual together can help dispel myths together and start honest communication.”
Not everyone is great about talking about sex, as much as I wish we all were. If you're uncomfortable talking about what you want and need, this can be a huge help.
3
... And Self-Exploration Technique
It's not just about your relationship — it's for you, too. As Jansen mentioned, it's a great way to discover your fantasies, but it's also really helpful just for getting yourself going.
“I know lots of women who use it as a way to get aroused,” Jansen says. “Lots of us, especially if we’ve been in a relationship for awhile, don’t feel horny all the time. We need something to get aroused.” And it can be great to have a break just for you. Trust me, it's some of my favorite me time.
4
YOLO
Like I said, try anything once. Isn't there an argument just for seeing what all the fuss is about? To see if you like it?
5
It Doesn't Hurt How You View Women
I know, that's what everyone says — but keep an open mind because the research says something different. Information published in The Journal Of Sexual Research from 28,000 respondents to the General Social Survey, a survey of American attitudes from 1975 to 2011, found that people who watched porn were more likely to treat women equally to men and have forward-thinking attitudes about gender dynamics.
So if someone has a derogatory view of women, it's not because of the porn— they're just a sh*t person.
6
It Won't Hurt Your Sex Drive
Another fear is that if you get to into porn and masturbating that you won't be as into sex with a partner. Well, I can tell you firsthand that that is wrong (I do plenty of both)— but you don't need to take my word for it. Research from Florida Atlantic University found that we are having less sex, but it's not because of porn. "We found that the decline in sexual frequency was due to two factors," Ryne A. Sherman, Ph. D., Associate Professor, Department of Psychology at Florida Atlantic University and a co-author of the study, tells Bustle. "First, the increase in the number of people who are unpartnered has led to a decrease in sexual frequency. That is, partnered people have more sex on average than unpartnered people. Second, we also found that, among partnered people, sexual frequency is on the decline. Indeed, the so-called 'partnered advantage' in sexual frequency has been rapidly diminishing in recent years."
So if your sex life is waning, porn probably isn't to blame. And it might even help.
7
Porn Watchers Are Less Likely To Cheat
I know, that sounds kind of crazy. But a study from Illicit Encounters looked at 1,400 male members and found that men who were having affairs watched way less porn than those who were faithful. Crazy, but true.
If you're not that into porn, that's totally cool — I'm not trying to convert anyone for life. But with so many different options, so many empowering and feminist options, and the potential to open a whole new window into your sex life, isn't it just worth a look?
