I, like many millennials, bought my first vibrator at a classic sex shop, complete with creepy old dude who leered at me and my friend as we perused the options. The vibe I finally settled on was blue and nubby and undoubtedly made of some scary, toxic material that I would never put near my vagina today. (To be honest, I’m not sure I even knew the difference between a vibrator and dildo at that point.) But these days? These days the experience of buying a sex toy is totally different.
If you’re lucky enough to live in a city with a feminist sex toy shop like Babeland or Good Vibrations, then you know that the in-store experience is leagues above what I went through as a teenage first-time-vibrator-buyer. And if you’re not in one of those cities, the internet has become an amazing, discreet resource for high quality sex toys. There are also more and more woman-owned sex toys companies that not only take into consideration the materials they use but also the design of the products. No creepy dudes or weird nubby blue things to be found here!
So with some amazing woman-owned companies (and some conscientious man-owned ones too) and a splash of sex tech, there are some pretty incredible options out there for our generation. From ones that order a pizza for you to ones that sync to music, here are seven toys that are peak millennial.
1. The Emoijbator
If there’s one thing us millennials know, it’s what an eggplant emoji really means. The Emojibator plays on our love of emojis with an eggplant emoji-shaped vibe that boasts 10 vibration settings and is waterproof for bath and shower play.
2. Broad City Pegasus Pegging Kit
Did anything do more for pegging amongst millennials than that amazing plot line where Abby pegs her super hot neighbor? I’m going to go for a resounding no kween. If Abbi’s adventurousness piqued your interest, check out this Broad City branded and approved pegging kit from LoveHoney.
Fans of the Minna Limon will recognize Unbound’s new vibe, Squish — which comes in millennial pink — because the Unbound team loved that toy so much that they teamed up with Minna to create their own, branded version. This vibe is my personal favorite, mainly because the transition from vibe to vibe is super smooth: Just squeeze more tightly for stronger vibrations and less tightly for weaker ones.
4. NautiBod 3.OH Music Vibrator
This vibe is for those millennials who really love music. Love it in a “Why don’t you marry it?” kind of way. The NautiBod from OhMiBod can be synced up with your personal music collection in order to buzz along with your favorite tunes. Actually, it can be synced with anything that has a 3.5mm jack — including an electric guitar, for some extra fun couples play. It also comes with seven preset patterns, just like a traditional vibe.
Have you heard of the RubGrub? It’s a new sex toy being marketed (but not yet released) by the adult entertainment platform CamSoda that makes it super easy to order pizza immediately after having an orgasm. Actually, to be specific, it’s a 3D-printed button attachment that they created for the Lovense Nora toy that’s connected to Domino’s. The idea is that you masturbate with the toy, orgasm, and then order some pizza to satisfy your post-orgasmic munchies.
6. Broad City Ass Of An Angel Silicone Butt Plug
As any Broad City fan knows, Abbi has the ass of an angel. Your ass can also get the angel treatment with this Broad City Ass Of An Angel silicone butt plug. It’s a classic butt plug shape, but that Broad City color scheme will make you want to show it off outside your body.
Our generation loves a personal touch, whether that means customizing our salads, shoes, makeup, or computers. So why should our sex toys be any different? MysteryVibe Crescendo is a fully customizable sex toy for any gender that you can use solo or with a partner. It adapts to your body and has 6 motors. It's a "you do you" sex toy — literally — and you can twist it into anything you want it to be. Now how's that for personalized?
So whether you're getting off to the sounds of your favorite artist or putting that eggplant emoji to work, have a little fun this year, my fellow millennials.