7 Signs Your Expectations Of A New Relationship Are Too High

Share
Ad failed to load

The beginning of a relationship is a super exciting, fun, and romantic time: there's almost nothing better than the feeling of forming an intimate connection with someone new while you enjoy all the lovey-dovey feelings of the honeymoon phase. But as carefree as the first few months of a relationship can be, it's also a great time to think about setting healthy expectations in your relationship — because even if things seem perfect, it's important to make sure you don't actually have unhealthy expectations of your new relationship.  

"I think many unhealthy expectations in new relationships come down to being overly idealistic or overly cynical," Jonathan Bennett, Dating/Relationship Expert and Owner of The Popular Man, tells Bustle. "Many people look at relationships in terms of fairytales and movies. They believe everything will automatically end up 'happily ever after'." But as you'd imagine, people and relationships are imperfect, says Bennett.

When you're infatuated with a new partner, it can be hard to remove your rose-colored glasses and examine your relationship objectively. But if you want to be with your partner long-term, it's important to set healthy, realistic expectations for your relationship at the beginning — and then be cognizant of which aspects of your relationship are or are not living up to those expectations.

Ad failed to load

"If you’re too idealistic during a new relationship, you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment as your 'feel good' brain chemicals fade and reality sets in," Bennett says. "It might even be a great relationship... but, if you’re expecting perfection, you’ll always be disappointed. But, the opposite view can poison a relationship too: extreme cynicism... If you’re expecting the relationship to fail or assume the worst from your partner, it can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy and cause a promising relationship to actually fail."

Simply put, it's not healthy to expect too much or too little from a new relationship. If you're worried you're in the former camp, here are seven examples of unhealthy expectations that could be signs you've set the bar too high in your relationship.

Ad failed to load

1You're Self-Conscious About How Your Relationship Appears On Social Media

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

It's undeniable that social media plays a role in modern relationships, but that doesn't mean it's healthy to put pressure on your partner or yourself to make your relationship appear a certain way to others online, or to feel upset if you think your relationship doesn't "stack up" to other couples based on what you see on your Instagram feed.

"If you’re constantly comparing your relationship to everyone else on social media, you’re going to be disappointed with yours," Bennett says. "Social media usually shows the best sides of a relationship. It’s unfair and unwise to compare your relationship to the highly controlled image others choose to reveal on social media."

2You Expect Your Partner's Life To Revolve Around You

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Over time, it's normal for you and your partner to become each other's number one priority — but in the early stages of a relationship, it's unrealistic and unfair to assume that your partner can and will drop everything for you at any time.

"A healthy, balanced partner will have varied interests and priorities," Bennett says. "In fact, that is likely what made [them] attractive in the first place. Consequently, you can’t realistically expect your partner to cater to your every need, always put you first, and have [their] life revolve around you."

3You Expect Your Partner To "Prove" Their Love

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

There's nothing wrong with making romantic gestures or enjoying when your partner makes them for you, but you shouldn't expect your partner to constantly "prove" their love to you.

"If you’re constantly pushing your partner to provide proof of [their] love, commitment, and devotion, it’s going to push [them] away," Bennett says. "Constantly expecting proof of love is a very unhealthy expectation."

Ad failed to load

4You're Overly Focused On The Future

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

In the early stages of a relationship, it's normal to be excited for the future and to want to make plans together. But if you have an entire "plan" for your relationship already mapped out in your head, that's a sign that you're expecting too much, too soon.

"If you’ve mapped out your entire relationship with your partner in your head and are constantly focusing on the future, you’re bound to be disappointed when your relationship takes a different path than you expected," Bennett says.

5You Expect To Hear "I Love You" Right Away

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

One of the scariest but most exciting moments in a new relationship is unquestionably saying "I love you" for the first time. There's no shame in feeling the love early on in the relationship, but everyone falls in love at their own pace — and you shouldn't put pressure on your new partner or expect them to say "I love you" right away.

"It's easy to say 'I love you' while you're infatuated, but some people want to wait to say those [three] words when they actually feel the deeper attachment love," Anita Chlipala, LMFT, Dating/Relationship Expert, and Relationship Therapist at Relationship Reality 312, tells Bustle. "Everyone has a different timeline for when they feel comfortable professing their love."

6You're Disappointed By The Gifts They Give You

Fotolia

If your love language is receiving gifts, you might feel let down or upset if your new partner gets you something that misses the mark — because it might seem like an indication that they don't really "get" you. But if you just started dating, you shouldn't expect your partner to read your mind and know exactly what you want... that's just something you need to discuss.

"While you might want a certain type of gift, you can't expect that someone will know when you don't share what you want," Stef Safran, Chicago's 'Introductionista' and Matchmaker at Stef and the City, tells Bustle. "[Also] don't expect that spending a certain amount means they care more about you!"

Ad failed to load

7You Expect To Be With Your Partner 24/7

Ashley Batz/Bustle

In the beginning of a relationship, it's normal to spend a ton of time together as you get to know each other — but healthy couples know that it's important to have interests and hobbies outside the relationship, too.

"While the first few months maybe you spent a lot of time together on the weekends, reality does creep in," Safran says. "If you expect that every weekend is supposed to be about you both as a couple, you forget that its much healthier to have separate friends and interests."

Ultimately, only you and your partner can decide what works best for your relationship. So whatever your expectations are, just make sure that you're on the same page and are able to communicate openly with each other — if you do that, your new relationship has a much better shot at lasting long-term.

Ad failed to load
Must Reads

7 Signs Your Energy Is Closed Off To Love, According To A Psychic

Finding love requires more than just the actions of going on dates or setting up an online dating profile. It also requires opening yourself up to love and giving off the vibe that you're open. You may not even realize it if you're energetically bloc…
By Suzannah Weiss

Bustle's Editors On Ice Dancing + Rihanna

For those of you who had a holiday on President's Day, welcome to the start of the work week! And for everyone who worked yesterday, you're one day closer to the weekend, woo! Today's been a fairly chill day so far — we've got more on the Winter Olym…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

It Took Heather Graham YEARS To Make A Movie About Women Ditching Toxic Men. The Reason? Men.

They say you should write what you know. But in Hollywood, that age-old advice apparently needs an addendum: Write what you know — as long as men are into it. And for actor and newly minted director/screenwriter Heather Graham — a woman who swam thro…
By Kelsea Stahler

Target Just Launched A Gorgeous New Home Brand — And Most Pieces Are Under $30

Design lovers rejoice! Everyone's favorite store for pretty much everything is about to make all your daring decorating dreams come true. Today, Target's corporate blog issued a press release that provides a peek into Target's new homeware line, Opal…
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

17 Brilliant Ways To Support Parkland Survivors Wherever You Are

Following the massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, survivors are demanding Congress take action. A large group of students who survived the shooting are opposing politicians' "thoughts and prayers," arguing that inst…
By Sarah Beauchamp

Here's Where Your Next Trip Should Be, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

If you've been craving a vacation, now is a good time to take the plunge. According to data collected by travel site Expedia, late winters and early spring are pretty much the best times of the year to go on vacation. Based on average airfare ticket …
By Callie Tansill-Suddath

How This Quadriplegic Beauty Lover Beat Cancer & Became A Professional Makeup Artist

In 2010, one day before she was supposed to start cosmetology school, Steph Aiello was involved in a car crash that left her paralyzed from the waist down with limited ability to move her hands and one of her closest friends dead. She would spend the…
By Sara Tan

7 Common Marriage Rules That Aren't Good For Relationships

When it comes to marriage, everyone loves to give their two cents, and with all the warnings and advice floating around out there, no wonder people find marriage intimidating. Luckily, you don't always have to play by the rules, and there's some bad …
By Carina Wolff

The Infuriating Way Hollywood Movie Sets Are Designed To Make Life Harder For Women

Whitney Cummings is fed up — with the way Hollywood treats women, and in particular, the way the it treats female directors who have children. While the entertainment industry may be working hard to get more women behind the camera, Cummings wants to…
By Casey Cipriani

Why Uggs Are Never Going Away, Whether You Like Them Or Not

Uggs. The word alone can conjure up memories of teenage years, regrettable outfits, and undeniable comfort. But if, like me, you thought that you've already said goodbye to those fleece-lined tan boots, you can think again. It seems fashion has adopt…
By Lauren Sharkey

Netflix's New Romantic Movie Will Have You Crying Like It's 'The Fault In Our Stars'

Cancer movies are a heartbreaking staple of Hollywood and have been for decades. It's almost a law of nature: new year, new cancer movie. This year, it's Netflix's Irreplaceable You, a heartbreaking original about a longtime couple who get thrown for…
By Olivia Truffaut-Wong

Here Are All The Terms You Need To Know If You’re Watching Olympic Ski Events Right Now

Every four years the Winter Olympics rolls around to remind me that A) there are so many important Winter Olympic sports, and B) I know virtually nothing any of them. And I know for a fact, I'm not alone, I bet most people don't know what the differe…
By Danielle Colin-Thome

Adam Rippon and Mirai Nagasu Have Matching Tattoos & The Story Is So Cute

Olympic season gives people the feels. From those shipping Canadian ice dancing pair Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to Shaun White's gold medal win on Tuesday, the feels are real. Now, there's another reason to get all up in your emotions. Adam Rippon a…
By Shea Simmons

A New Study Says Being In A Relationship Could Change Your Taste In Wine — Here's How

I’d be willing to bet that for many of you, a nice bottle of wine is awaiting you in your near future — and if you’re planning on sharing that bottle with a partner, there might be more to your choice than meets the eye: According to recent research,…
By Lucia Peters

Carrie Brownstein On Why Even The Obama Era Should Have Enraged You

An icy January morning soon after Hollywood's show of solidarity for the #MeToo movement at the Golden Globes and almost exactly one year into the Trump Administration feels like a momentous time to be sitting across from Carrie Brownstein. The Sleat…
By Samantha Rollins

Here’s What The Upcoming Year Of The Dog Means For Your Chinese Zodiac Sign

On Feb. 16 the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year, welcoming the Year of the Dog in like the good doggo it is — we hope. A new year means new zodiac predictions for the 365 days ahead. So, what does the Year of the Dog mean for your Chinese zo…
By Brittany Bennett

7 Signs You're Ready To Get Into A Relationship, According To Experts

It can be difficult to tell when you're ready to start dating again. Maybe you're coming off of a bad breakup, maybe you've just been focused on other things. And, ironically, one of the signs that you're ready to be in a relationship is that you're …
By Lea Rose Emery

I Got A Breast Reduction & It Was About So Much More Than The Size Of My Boobs

As a young teenager, I pretty much reached peak physical maturity overnight. One day I was wearing my first training bra a la Lizzie McGuire, and the next I was sweatily fumbling around a Victoria’s Secret with 32DD boobs, trying to summon up the cou…
By Sierra Taylor Horton

This Is, Hands Down, The *Grossest* Thing Babies Do Inside The Womb

Your baby's life in the womb may be safe and warm, but it's also kind of grody. Seriously, the whole process of growing into a human being includes more than a few icky moments along the way. But this is the grossest thing babies do inside the womb b…
via Romper

The 15 Best Fiction Books Of February Feature Tons Of Extraordinary Women

When the cold winds of February blow in, there's nothing I want more than to hide under my covers with a good book. Luckily, there's more than a few fantastic new fiction books coming out this month, so the only tough decision you'll have to make is …
By Melissa Ragsdale

17 Moms Reveal The Most Disgusting Part Of Their Pregnancy

Pregnant bodies do weird-ass things. Weird-ass, gross things. I mean, my pregnant body did (twice), and I have long-suspected I'm not alone. So I asked other moms to share the most disgusting part of their pregnancy and I learned that, not only am I …
via Romper