The Sign You're Not Cut Out For Long Distance

by Sarah Fielding
Hannah Burton/Bustle

Remember when you were in high school and all the couples would talk about how even though they were going to school 3,000 miles apart, their long-distance relationship would make it? Do you also remember not being surprised when they'd break up a few months later.

Now you're the one facing the possibility of a long-distance relationship. You've weighed the pros and cons but still can't decide if you can do it. An estimated 40 percent of long-distance relationships end in a breakup. On top of that, the average number of visits for a long distance couple is 1.5 times a month. We've all heard the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," but, sadly, this is not always the case. Sometimes distance makes people drift apart. It can act as a wake up call that your relationship isn't as strong as you thought it was or doesn't have a real future.

But in some cases, it really does strengthen the bond between you and your partner. According to a study in The Journal of Communication, reported on by The Daily Mail, couples in long-distance relationships feel more emotionally connected to their partners.

The state of your relationship and who you are as a person are the key indicators of whether or not you'll be able to make it work. "Relationships that already have a solid foundation have a greater likelihood to weather distance and time," Monica Parikh, a dating and relationships coach, tells Bustle.

If you're on the fence about whether an LDR is right for you, take a look at these signs below:


You Hate Talking On The Phone — Or Worse —Texting

In a long-distance relationship, your "dates" will be over the phone or FaceTime. If you don't like communicating with people over these devices it will be hard to stay connected. Throughout the day meetups will be replaced by texts. If you're a bad texter or never check your phone, this may cause a greater feeling of separation.


You Have Trust Issues

Trust? It's really hard for a lot of people. Whether it's from past hardships or just how you're wired, trust might not come easy to you. In any relationship trust is extremely important but it is even more so when you do long distance. It can be hard to find ways to reinforce trust when you aren't seeing each other or are unable to picture your partner's life.


You Need Intimacy To Feel Connected

Intimacy is a key part of any relationship. When you become long distance it can become much harder to feel it. If you are someone who sees closeness as the glue of your relationship then distance may be very difficult to deal with.

"You need physical touch," Anita Chlipala, author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, tells Bustle. "If physical affection is one of your top needs, you risk feeling more unloved without your partner being consistently physically present. You also risk not feeling as satisfied in a relationship without a top need being met."


You Don't Stay In Relationships Long

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to commit to a serious relationship. Now is the time to meet new people and figure out what you want out of a partner. If you're used to going from one relationship to another, the intensity of committing to a long-distance relationship might be too much for you.


You Just Started Dating Your Partner

A key to success in many long-distance relationships is having a foundation to work off of. If you've recently started dating it can be hard to feel connected to the person on the other side of the phone. Parikh also believes it is very important to think about how long the relationship has been going on, how serious it is, and how serious it could potentially be.


You Get Very Lonely

Unless the distance isn't that far, odds are you won't see each other very often. While you might worry that ending the relationship all together will make you even lonelier, this will probably not be the case. You'll have time to focus on your friendships that might have become slightly neglected during the relationship. Also this might lead to you finding someone local that you connect with just as much or more.


You Get Jealous Easily

Parikh says it is important to ask yourself, "Is each person able to control issues of jealousy, anger, and resentment, especially as the other person builds new friendships and relationships in their new home?"

Your significant other will start to build a new life without you constantly present and that can be very hard. You won't know the friends or experiences involved in it first hand and jealousy can become a big part of your life. If you find yourself easily experiencing these emotions then you might want to reconsider tackling a long-distance relationship.

None of these traits are necessarily bad, in fact they're extremely normal. All they mean is jumping into a long-distance relationship might not be the best decision for you. Ultimately, you know yourself better than anyone and will decide what's right for you in the end.