Having a crush on someone can seem so high school. When you've been with your partner for some time, it may even seem weird to think you can still be crushing on each other. But according to experts, that might be the kind of thing you need to keep the spark in your relationship alive.
"It's a really romantic thing to think that our partner who we’ve been with for a while can still have a crush on us," psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S, founder of Hello Goodlife, tells Bustle, "It’s something we all deserve in our relationships."
Just think about the early days of your relationship. Chances are, you were super excited about your partner and couldn't wait to learn everything there is to know about them. You likely never took a moment with them for granted, and looked forward to the next time you got to see or hear from them. Realistically, that excitement doesn't always last very long. But for some people, it can.
"Crushing shouldn’t just end because high school did," Maria Sullivan, dating expert and VP of Dating.com, tells Bustle. If you're lucky enough to have a partner that still has a crush on you, the relationship will stay in good shape.
Your partner may not be declaring their love for you every single day, and that's OK. It's usually the small things that really matter. So here some things your partner will do if they're still crushing on you, according to experts.
1. They Keep Special Moments To Themselves
Nowadays, it's pretty much second nature to pull out your phone and document every new or important experience. But as Christine Scott-Hudson, MA MFT ATR, psychotherapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle, a partner who still has a crush on you will be completely present during special moments. They don't worry about Instagraming or rely on social media to express their love for you. Instead, Scott-Hudson says, they "forget the imaginary audience" and keep some of the magic in their relationship private. They don't need other people to validate the relationship.
2. They Find Excuses To Spend More Time With You
When someone likes you, they'll find any excuse to be around you. You'll know they're doing this because it'll be pretty obvious. For instance, Laura Dabney, M.D., psychotherapist and relationship expert, tells Bustle, "If they're asking you for help with a task you know they're fully capable of handling, it's likely they just want to spend the extra time with you."
3. They Get Nervous Around You From Time To Time
"In many ways, using knowledge of body language to determine whether or not someone has a crush is more reliable than actions such as gifts or kisses," body language expert, Maryann Karinch, tells Bustle. That's because certain physical tells like pupils dilating or mirroring are involuntary. When it comes to crushing, there's always going to be a little bit of butterflies. According to Karinch, the desire to attract another person creates “good" stress. "When most people have stress of any kind present, they use nervous gestures like playing with hair or an earring or rubbing fingers together," she says. These are great hints to pay attention to because these are self-soothing gestures that are usually done unconsciously.
4. They Do Small Thoughtful Things For You
Your partner may not be about grand romantic gestures. But if they're doing small thoughtful things for you that make your life easier in some way, they're still crushing on you. "These little things show that they think and care about you," Celia Schweyer, dating and relationship expert at DatingScout.com, tells Bustle. "They want to take care of you and these gestures are their way of doing that."
5. They Tell You They Miss You When You're Spending Time Apart
When you've been with someone for a while, it's easy to get bored or take the time you spend together for granted. Sometimes you can't wait to spend some time apart. But if your partner still longs for your presence even after all the time you've spent together, Schweyer says, it's a clear sign that their love for you is still going strong.
6. They Keep A Favorite Photo Of You Close To Them
Chances are, your partner has a favorite photo or two of you. If your photo is in your partner's wallet, or if it's the wallpaper on their phone, they have a crush on you. "Why would your partner keep it if they don't like looking at your face?" Schweyer says. "This could indicate that just seeing your face makes [their] day."
7. They'll Show You Love Through Their Love Language
"Each person has different love languages and it's important to understand that people instinctively show their love in ways they would want to be loved," Myles Scott, dating and transformation coach, tells Bustle. For instance, if their love language is acts of service, they might take the initiative to put gas in your car or make you breakfast in bed. If their love language is giving gifts, they might show you love by giving you something they think you'd appreciate. If your love language is different, it's important to remember that it's really the thought and the effort that counts. Having an open discussion about how you both like to give and receive love can really make a difference.
Knowing that your partner's still crushing on you is sweet. But it also means good things for your relationship. If they still have a crush on you after all this time, they still care and will likely put in the effort to make your relationship work.