7 Unexpected Signs Someone Is Your Soulmate Even Though You're Having Second Thoughts
There's a common misconception that a soulmate relationship is supposed to be magically effortless and somehow absolutely perfect all the time. So while you think you may have met your soulmate, a rough patch in your relationship could leave you with a lot of doubt about whether your partner is truly "The One".
"Soulmate relationships are incredibly special," Britanny Burr, Editor at Large and Love and Relationship expert for Psych N Sex tells Bustle. "Though it should be understood that they still require effort. When it comes to relationships, timing is never perfect and flaws are just a given." No relationship is perfect because people aren't perfect. So, why would you expect a relationship with your partner to be any different?
"Soulmates are spiritual partners who bring out the best in each other," relationship coach and spiritual advisor, Cindi Sansone-Braff tells Bustle. They have a heart, soul, mind, and body connection. When they meet, there's also a "Recognition Factor," in which they feel like they've known each other all their lives. But that's just the romanticized part of it.
On the flip side, "a soulmate relationship is usually very intense," Sansone-Braff says. "A higher love like that can bring unhealed issues to the surface." These issues tend to be the baggage you carry from childhood, previous romantic relationships, or unresolved issues from past lives, if you believe in that sort of thing.
So even if things aren't perfect with your partner, here are some signs that your partner is still your soulmate, according to experts.
1. There's No Jealousy In Your Relationship
While some jealousy in a relationship is OK, not having any at all should not worry you.
"A lack of jealousy means that you are secure and comfortable in your relationship," Caitlin Bergstein, dating coach with matchmaking service Three Day Rule tells Bustle. "Even if you’re having second thoughts, having security and confidence in your partnership is so valuable."
Just because you're not eager to brand your name on your partner's body somewhere, that doesn't mean you don't care. Soulmates may have a deep connection, but that doesn't mean they need to be attached at the hip every single second of every single day.
2. You Aren't Afraid To Have Difficult Conversations
Good communication may be one of the most important keys to a long-term, successful relationship, but that doesn't mean you don't argue. There are just some necessary conversations that are harder to have than others. If you're not afraid to tackle those tough subjects because you know you and your partner can work through it, that's a good sign.
"When you have mastered communication in your relationship, this could be a sign that they’re your 'forever person,'" Bergstein says.
3. They're Not Afraid To Challenge You
Good relationships should help you grow as a person. "Finding someone who understands when to challenge and push you to be a better version of yourself is not something that happens every day," Bergstein says.
Sometimes, you can't appreciate the fact that your partner is pushing you to work toward being better until after the fact. But when you do have someone who's not afraid to challenge you, that could be a sign that they’re really your soulmate.
4. They're More About The Smaller Gestures Vs. Grand Gestures
Your partner doesn't need to make a habit out of making grand gestures of love to show you that they care. Though knowing your love language could help, they don't even need to tell you that they love you every single day to show you how much you mean to them.
"If your partner understands your needs and shows it, hang on to that relationship!" Bergstein says. How can you tell? Through their actions. The more thoughtful and considerate it is, the better. "One example would be bringing you new pajamas when you’re sick because they know you stay in your PJs all day every time you're sick," she says. "Small gestures like these speak volumes."
5. They're Not Perfect And They Know It
"No matter how amazing you are or the relationship is, no one is doing absolutely everything perfectly. And frankly, I don't know a single successful relationship that doesn't take work," Andrea Leiser, dating coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule tells Bustle. You don't need to think that your partner is perfect or that your relationship is perfect to be at soulmate-level.
6. You Accept That Fact That They Probably Won't Change
Even though compromise is important, and you can change the way you communicate with each other or make each other feel loved, there are a lot of things you can't change about someone — especially when it comes to their personality.
If you'd love them forever just the way they are today, Leiser says this is a good sign they're probably your soulmate. "You might hope that they'll change in one way or another, but you can't expect them to shift in fundamental ways."
7. They Know You're Not Perfect And Still Love You The Same
Your partner doesn't need to see you as a perfect person in order for you to be soulmates either. "Tough love shared in your best interest, coupled with unconditional support by your partner, is a sign of longevity in your relationship," Leiser says.
Despite misconceptions, soulmate relationships aren't perfect or argument-free. If you're both choosing to be with each other and aren't expecting fundamental changes, experts say you're probably soulmates.