Can we talk about mansplaining for a minute? If you're a woman or a non-binary person, chances are good you've been a victim of it. I know I have. It can be tough to know how best respond to a mansplainer; after all, blind rage isn't really productive. These seven ways to respond to mansplaining, however, offer an alternative to drowning in a sea of frustration.
While mansplaining has been around since the dawn of time, it wasn't until Rebecca Solnit published her 2008 essay, "Men Explain Things To Me" that the term itself became part of our lexicon. If you're not sure what it means, mansplaining is when a man explains something to someone, usually a woman (but it can happen to men and non-binary people too), in a manner that is condescending or patronizing — and often when the person getting mansplained at has a level of expertise in the subject that the mansplainer may actually lack. Sound familiar?
Although mansplaining can happen anywhere and at any time, it frequently happens to women at work. And, of course, I have a story about just that: I remember when a company I worked for got a new boss. He met with each of his team members individually, and when it was my turn, he spent the majority of our time together explaining my job to me (a job I had successfully performed for more than four years), despite having no actual knowledge of what my job actually entailed. I remember leaving the meeting feeling disoriented and confused. It took me a few months to realize he was mansplaining.
I often think, how could I have responded in that moment? Since we rarely get do-overs in life, here are seven ways to respond to mansplaining the next time it happens to you.
4
Offer To Explain Mansplaining
So, I said earlier that some men don't actually know they are mansplaining. And, if you are in a conversation with an open-minded mansplainer, you might have an opportunity to point out the behavior to them (although again, you are under no obligation to do so). What's more is they might actually hear you. Life coach Susan Hyatt details this in a podcast about how to respond to mansplainers.
In the podcast, Hyatt details her experience of speaking out to a mansplainer at the gym. "Have you ever heard the term ‘mansplaining’? No? You should really look it up. It’s this thing men do to women," she explains in the podcast what she said to the man. "Like, when you assume that I couldn’t possibly know for myself if my trainer is worth it, or if what we’ve done together for the last six years is working for me, and I need a random guy who doesn’t know me to observe me for 10 minutes and tell me what to do. Like, when you assume that you know better what I should do with my body than I know for myself.”
In this case the man was able to receive the feedback, and he even apologized to Hyatt. "About 10 minutes later, he walks over to the leg machine very sheepishly and says, 'I am really sorry. I just Googled ‘mansplaining’ and I understand your point. I meant no offense'.”
Obviously, not all attempts to explain mansplaining to a mansplainer are going to be successful, but you never know until you try. If you can get even one mansplainer off the streets, you've made a difference.
5
Get Your Girls Together
How do you start a revolution? Gather your like-minded cohorts and resist. If you've experienced mansplaining, chances are your friends have, too. It's important for women to band together to put a stop to all sexist behavior, and we need every woman on our side to succeed.
Ask your friends out for coffee or a drink, and talk to them about mansplaining. If you all work together, and mansplaining is rampant in your office, or place of business, talk to HR, or propose some sensitivity training to your boss.
Having the support of your friends might make you all more likely to stand up for yourselves, because even if the experience is less than ideal, you can lean on each other for support.
6
State The Facts
Here's the thing about data, statistics, and science — they're based in facts that can't be ignored no matter how hard your mansplainer tries. If you find yourself being mansplained to, retaliate with facts.
If the person still tries to dispute you, they clearly don't care what you have to say, and the conversation is no longer worth your time. In this case, see number seven.
7
If All Else Fails — Ignore The Mansplainer
Despite your best efforts to speak out, ask questions, and educate your mansplainer, some of them just don't want to hear it. It's important to know when to cut your losses. For example, a male cousin of mine once started an argument on Facebook with his female cousins over gender inequality. He said that the amount of money men pay for razors, which is not covered by health insurance (because why would it be?) was akin to the amount of money women would pay for birth control if health insurance stops covering it.
There is literally no logic to this argument for many reasons. First of all, many women buy razors too, and we usually pay more because of the pink tax! I actually started buying men's razors because they are so much cheaper. Secondly, preventing an unwanted pregnancy and manscaping your face are not comparable. The argument devolved, and was not productive in any way. It was clear he was not interested in seeing our point of view, so we chose to disengage.
Only you know when it's time to walk away. If you're arguing with someone just for the sake of arguing, it's probably not worth it. If we lived in Sweden, you could report them to the mansplainer tip line, but until that day, tell them to talk to the hand.
In the Huffington Post, Elizabeth C. Fericy says, "Remember, a mansplainer’s advice is unsolicited so you are under no obligation to listen."