One of the most amazing parts about being with someone for a long time, is developing a closer and much deeper connection than you had in the beginning. You get to that level of comfort where you know each other so well and in short, it becomes nice. Although your love for each other has grown and you're content with your relationship as is, it's not uncommon to long for those early days when your relationship was more flirty and playful. If you want that back, experts say, it's all about
getting the spark back in a way that helps you crush on each other again.
"It's important for couples to keep 'crushing' on each other because it
keeps the zest of new love alive in your relationship," couples therapist, Anna Osborn, LMFT, tells Bustle. The thing is, life can easily overwhelm you with all kinds of responsibilities and demands. According to Osborn, your relationship should be a place you retreat for fun, play, and lightheartedness. "Crushing on each other allows for that lightness and fun to enter back into love," she says.
It's important to note, that helping your partner to crush on you again has nothing to do with
playing unhealthy mind games. It's about bringing the fun, flirtation, and playfulness back into your relationship. So here are some creative ways to help your partner feel the butterflies again, according to experts.
Do Something Sweet And Unexpected
Do something nice and unexpected for your partner. That could mean cooking their favorite meal or
walking their dog if they're tired. "It doesn’t have to be something hugely expensive, but doing something 'out of the box' should get their attention in a good way," licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, tells Bustle. Most importantly, don't expect anything back in return.
If you want your partner to crush on you again, be sure to keep your expectations in check. "Your passion for one another is not going to be a 10 out of 10 EVERY day, and yet believing that fading passion is just an inevitable downfall of long-term relationships isn't true either," Osborn says. All she says you need to do is to live in the present. Enjoy your "intentional time" together without feeling overwhelmed or upset by unrealistic expectations. So even if your attempts to bring some playfulness back into your relationship may not work the first time around, don't give up right away. Maybe it just wasn't the right time or place.
"Keep it fresh," Osborn says. "There is nothing that kills passion like a stale routine." In order to help your partner to crush on you again, it's all about getting them to see you in a new light. When you're doing the same things over and over again, how can they? That's why April Davis, dating coach and founder of
LUMA Luxury Matchmaking, tells Bustle to go out of your way to have a spontaneous adventure together. Do something you've never done like revisit your childhood and go to an amusement park. "This spontaneous activity is a completely different experience when you go with your partner," Davis says.
Set A Date And Build The Excitement
"Set a date, meet your partner at a new restaurant, and see what it's like to meet as strangers again," Osborn says. Keeping anticipation and excitement high can really up the "crushing factor." If you want to role-play to make it more exciting, you can do that as well. But it's not necessary. As long as you set a date in advance and find a way to build up the excitement beforehand, you're good to go. As Osborn says, "Anticipation is a great way to get those butterflies swirling in love."
Do Something That Gets Both Of Your Hearts Racing
"Doing something active with your significant other can promote teamwork and foster encouragement for each other," Davis says. One great workout she suggests it to try is rock-climbing. "It’s a fun way to get competitive by seeing who can climb the fastest and highest," she says. "When you exercise, chemicals from the brain get released, so
the two of you will feel happy overall." You can do anything active that you both enjoy.
Make A Relationship Bucket List Together
Make a bucket list with your partner about things you wish to experience, then make plans to actually do them. "This will scintillate your romance life with your partner without question," Davis says. Other than having a great time checking off bucket list items together, coming up with ideas together promotes open communication. "Planning it all is an exciting process and gives you that quality time to spend with your loved one," she says.
Remember in the beginning of your relationship when there was still a lot to figure out about each other? Having to learn more about someone can keep things interesting. Obviously after being together for some time, a lot of mystery has been unraveled. But there are ways to still bring some mystery into your relationship in healthy ways. As author and
life coach Jaya Jaya Myra tells Bustle, there is something fun about forgoing predictability for a bit and leaving things to be discovered. So instead of always doing the same thing on a Friday night, make plans to do something different. Change up the way and times you text your partner. Add a new restaurant into your routine. "Basically, try some new things and make sure your partner knows," she says.
Initiate Physical Contact
"Touch can be healing and sometimes all we need is a hug," couples therapist,
Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, tells Bustle. If you want your partner to feel those butterflies again, be sure to take the time to be physically present and available for your partner. You can touch their knee, offer a massage, or even do a minute long hug, as long as they're comfortable with it. There's also nothing wrong with a quick make-out session or two.
Find Ways To Laugh Together
As you've probably heard over and over again,
laughter is a great way to establish a closer bond. Couples who can laugh together, stay together. So if you want your partner to keep crushing on you, keep them laughing. "Find a fun game that you both enjoy and play it," she says. "Don’t be afraid to try something more risqué. Keep it lighthearted and enjoy each other."
Everyone responds to things differently. If you really want your partner to crush on you again, ask yourself, what do they like? What don't they like? What will they respond to? Only you know your partner best. So it's important to pick one of the ways you know will help keep things exciting and dynamic.