9 Old Wives’ Tales About Attracting More Love Into Your Life That Actually Work
If you're looking to casually date — or even find true love — you might be tempted to go the modern route and sign up for dating apps. And that's awesome. There are so many tech-y ways to meet new people and expand your horizons, and you should feel free to utilize them. But with all the options out there, it can be easy to forget about old-fashioned dating advice, even though it really works.
Sure, some old-school dating tips are outdated, and others are ineffectual. But there are definitely a few tricks that stick around for a reason. "In many cases, [they have] endured because [they have] consistently worked across generations," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. "So, you can’t assume that advice passed down over time is irrelevant to the modern age. In fact, it might be very effective if you give it a chance."
Think about old time-y things like having your family keep an eye out for potential dating prospects, chatting people up in real life at a bar or coffeeshop, or stepping outside your comfort zone and trying something new. These tips for finding love have been around for decades, because they really do work. Here is some old-fashioned dating advice experts say may help you meet someone new.
1. Let Your Family Help Out
When it comes to dating, most people would rather try anything else before turning to family for help or advice. But it really can be beneficial to let your parents, siblings, aunts, and uncles know that you're looking to meet someone new.
"Having people in your life know you’re open to dating will allow them to fix you up should they know someone who is a good fit," therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. They know you well, after all, and may be the best people to have on your team.
This doesn't mean they should interfere to a degree that makes you uncomfortable. But you never know who your sister's friend might know, or who your mom might run into. So go ahead and ask 'em to keep an eye out.
2. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
How many times have we heard the ol' "step outside your comfort zone" line? Probably too many times to count. And yet, there's a reason this advice has stuck around all these years.
By being a bit daring, and trying new things, you really can expand your horizons. As Hershenson says, "Joining a sports team or going on vacation by yourself are all ways to meet new people you otherwise would not have met."
You can go small, too, and simply switch up your routine. Grab lunch somewhere new, take a different route to work, or try a new bar. You never know who you'll meet!
3. Strike Up Conversations
Speaking of, when was the last time you struck up a conversation with someone you didn't know? "If you’re at a coffeeshop or concert say hi to people," Hershenson says. Chat up the person next to you on the bus, or start a convo at a bar, and see how it goes.
Today, we're super focused on dating apps and social media as ways of meeting new people. But there are so many convos to be had and people to meet in real life, too. "Trying new things often leads to different results," Hershenson says. "Tried and true methods work!"
4. Be A Good & Active Listener
It's one thing to appear as if you're listening to someone, by generally facing in their direction and nodding along. But it's something else entirely to actually listen, digest what someone's saying, and get a healthy convo going.
And when you're out on dates, the latter can be quite charming. "This shows the other person that you care about what they have to say," Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. "But also goes deeper in that it shows that you want to spend time with them, that you want to get to know them and understand them better, and that you truly care about them."
It can be tough to put into practice, but it's very much worth it. "This was advice from one of my grandparents, and it’s still true today," McBain says. "Possibly even more so with all our electronic distractions!"
5. Stop Thinking About It
Ever notice how the harder you look to find someone to date, the fewer options there seem to be? This is why dating experts often suggest we stop looking, and simply go about our days.
"When love is on the brain it can be difficult to focus on anything else," Alexis Germany, an in-house relationship strategist at Seeking, tells Bustle. "I often see clients who are so consumed with dating and finding romance that they only agree to take part in activities where they think they can meet other single people — and this can be a big mistake."
Sometimes, you just need to do you and forget about dating for a while. "It’s important to spend time doing other things you enjoy even if the likelihood of meeting a potential date is slim," Germany says. "When you live a fulfilling life the positive energy you put into the world will likely attract just who you are looking for."
6. Remember, Opposites Attract
People have been saying this for decades. And it's true. Sometimes opposites really do attract, and keeping that in mind can open you up to new people.
"Attraction isn’t logical," Bennett says. "Sharing hobbies and general interests is no guarantee of a spark in a relationship. As a result, two people might be extremely attracted to each other and get along, but seem 'opposite' from a logical standpoint."
This is yet another case for stepping outside your comfort zone, and trying new things. It also helps to expand your definition of who might be your type, so you don't get stuck looking for one type of person.
7. Be Yourself & Have Fun
Even though opposites attract, it's still OK to surround yourself with likeminded people. So if you'd like to meet someone, try signing up for classes that interest you, hanging out in places you enjoy, and having fun.
"This approach yields better results than online dating because you're interacting with people that share your interests," dating coach Patti Feinstein tells Bustle. You're also likely to be at your happiest when engaging in activities you enjoy, which will be all sorts of attractive.
8. Get Out Of The House
When you're feeling lonely, or are simply in the mood to snag a date, do yourself a favor and leave the house. "You need to get out and meet people to find someone you want to date and get to know," Davida Rappaport, psychic and spiritual counselor, tells Bustle. "If you don’t have a friend to go out with, go out by yourself and make a new friend so you can go out together. Whether you are going to clubs, bars, concerts, etc. you need to make sure you enjoy yourself in the process."
9. Make Lots Of Eye Contact
Even though we're all staring deep into our phones nowadays, it never hurts to look up and see who's around. Is anyone making eye contact? Smiling your way? If so, Rappaport suggests waltzing over and having a chat.
Sometimes, it really is that easy to attract more love into your life — or, at the very least, meet someone new. All it takes are a few old-fashioned tips, like getting out, chatting people up, and stepping outside your comfort zone.