If you're like me,your masturbation routine goes something like this: You start off with a linear, logical, well-thought-out story. Then, weird things start inserting themselves into the sexual fantasy from nowhere. Then, your mind abruptly transitions to a different scene. Before you know it, you're running through your grocery list. The truth is, we can't always predict what crazy things will pop into our heads when we masturbate. Some may turn us on, some may actually turn us off, and some may be completely unrelated to sex. And that's all totally fine, because human sexuality has never made any sense.
Since masturbation is already a taboo subject, and people's masturbation thoughts often don't line up with what's considered "normal," we don't always talk about what we think about when we masturbate. But it's important to discuss it so that we realize we're not the only ones who contemplate our rude bosses or aliens or, as the case may be, Dr. Pimple Popper videos.
If you're constantly getting distracted during solo sex — or sex with a partner — Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle, to focus on breathing. "Focus your inhale and exhale using a non obvious pattern to keep you present. If you're thinking about your inhale or exhale then thoughts can't pop in your mind. If a new distracting thought enters send it away (say something like" 'Bye bye thought!") and go back to inhale exhale."
To hear the sometimes sexy, sometimes hilarious things people think of during solo sex, in honor of National Masturbation Month, I asked people for the weirdest, most random things that popped into their heads while they masturbated. Their answers did not disappoint. Enjoy.