How do you know if you've found "The One"? Whether you believe in soulmates or not, it's easy to get bombarded with relationship advice from everyone you know. But is there a way to tell what's actually worked for others? Well, some new data gives us some pretty interesting insight.
Senior Living, the housing website for seniors, went through almost 2,500 comments from the relationship forums of Reddit and analyzed the data to see what could be gleaned from the comments of people who have been there before. By picking out the keywords of people's responses, they were able to identify the qualities most important to people in long-lasting relationships. But what was really fascinating was that there was one major quality that people pointed to when asked how they knew they found "The One" — and that was communication. Over 70 percent of people mentioned or pointed directly to communication when talking about knowing they had found "The One", far more than any other quality.
"Without a doubt, communication is the most important skill to have in any relationship," Dr. Michele Kerulis, relationships and dating expert and professor at Counseling@Northwestern, tells Bustle. "Communication allows us to voice our basic needs to others and also provides opportunities to approach topics like sex and romance, stress management, and conflict resolution."
And many Reddit users seemed to feel the same. In fact, one of the most-liked comments on this topic said that fighting, rather than any romantic clue, was how they knew they had found "The One".
Although communication was far and away the most popular response, it wasn't the only one. Here's what other qualities help people know they had found "The One".
1Communication: 72%
Communication was the clear winner — with 72 percent of people mentioning it in one way or another. If you realize that you can talk to someone and feel safe bringing up things that are important to you, working through fights, and just tackling anything that comes your way, that really means something.
2Respect: 20.4%
Respect came in at number two, with 20 percent of people citing it as a quality their partner has. But this was an interesting choice to see because, although respect is undoubtedly important, shouldn't it just be a given? It's easy to assume that respect was a bottom-line issue, rather than a special quality, in a long-term relationship.
3Love: 16.8%
Interesting to see that not only was "love" number three on the list — but that only about 17 percent of people mentioned it at all.
4Trust: 15%
Trust seems crucial for a long-term relationship, but only 15 percent actually mentioned it. Maybe others just assume that it's a given?
5Friendship: 14.2%
It's common to hear that the most important foundation of a long-term relationship is a strong friendship, so it wasn't a surprise to see friendship in the top five. When spark fades, friendship is still there... hopefully.
6Affection: 12.4%
You need a little love, after all. Twelve percent of people pointed to affection as one of the ways that they realized they had met "The One".
7Confidence: 10.6%
This wasn't one you might expect to see on the list, not because confidence is a bad thing, but just because you might not think think many people would associate it with their soulmate. But almost 11 percent of people did, so to each their own.
8Humor: 7.1%
You might have thought that humor would be higher on the list, but only around seven percent of people said it helped them identify "The One".
9Appreciation: 3.5%
Finally, never underestimate the importance of gratitude. The other major quality that people pointed to was appreciation — someone who doesn't take you for granted is crucial over the long haul.
Seeing what has worked in long-term relationships is fascinating — and this report is proof that communication is just as important as everyone says it is. Make sure you're comfortable being open in your relationship — and that your partner can do the same. Because months and years down the line, it will keep making every part of your relationship easier.
