If you're looking for a good reason to get the heck of out of the U.S. right now, Japan just gave you extra incentive — with a Hello Kitty Bullet train that is practically screaming, "Our country is better than yours." According to The Japan Times, West Japan Railway Co. will begin running the themed bullet train — what they call a shinkansen — starting June 30. It will operate daily for round trips between Osaka and Fukuoka, and is undoubtedly cooler than the 2007 Ford Focus I've been driving for the last decade. It also probably isn't dented on the side and missing portions of the front bumper, but that's just a guess.
The inside of the train is adorned with pink and bows and pictures of the world's favorite cat (or... human... supposedly). It looks less like a train and more like whatever is inside the gates of heaven. Basically, imagine in your mind the Hello Kitty bullet train of your dreams. This is about 400 times cooler than that. Commute in style and bless your followers' Instagram feeds, because this train is prime real estate for selfies. Starting June 30, even if you hate your job, you can have a blast getting there. I call that a win.
According to Kotaku, the first car is being called "Hello! Plaza!" and includes a shop that sells Hello Kitty merchandise. The second car is called "Kawaii! Room" and has themed seats and a photo spot — where a life-size Hello Kitty hangs out, says Quartz. They planned this well. This isn't just about getting from point A to point B anymore. Oh no. Now, it's about having a really good time while you get there.
Natch, Twitter was totally on board with the idea.
Get it? On board? And it's a train? Bahahahaheahf3qriugbdak.
Of course, there are a few haters here and there, but they don't matter and we're not going to talk about them because it's a freaking Hello Kitty bullet train, people.
Hey Japan? You're doing it right.
If you want to experience the magic, you might want to hop to it and book your trip. Kotaku says it'll only run until September 30, at which point all of our lives will go back to being boring and awful.
You might hate cats. You might be deathly allergic. You might find them self-righteous and moody — but we're all still obsessed with Hello Kitty. We always want more, and our demands are constantly met. Remember EVA Air's Hello Kitty Jet? If there were ever a way for me to spend myself broke, it would be a Hello Kitty plane. Forget where we're going. I don't even care anymore.
Then there was the Hello Kitty-themed cafe in Japan. The limited-run pop-up cafe served roast chicken, turkey sandwiches, and beef stew, but who cares what was on the menu or that I don't really eat meat because HELLO KITTY.
There's even a line of Hello Kitty wine, and I can't think of a better way to my pink wine on. Can you? No.
BUT WAIT. I'm not done.
Faith in humanity was restored when humanity learned from Full House there's an actual place called Hello Kitty Land. Travel to Tokyo and experience the parades, boat ride, gift shop, and attractions on attractions on attractions.
This is barely scratching the surface. Don't forget the infinite supply of Hello Kitty-themed products you can purchase — the clothes, the purses, the luggage, the skin care formulas, the sunglasses, the sheet masks, the slippers —
Is anyone feeling dizzy? I'm feeling dizzy.
If you plan on riding the Hello Kitty bullet train, call a travel agent and get cracking, because the clock's a-ticking. All aboard!