There are few things I dislike more than a group of men bragging openly and demeaningly about their sexual encounters with women. Unfortunately, on Monday's episode of The Bachelorette this happened on national television not once, but twice! After Bryan told another Bachelorette contestant that he got his "sloppy seconds" when he kissed Rachel, I — and the ladies of Bustle's Will You Accept This Podcast? — had a lot of thoughts about it.
Bachelorette Rachel brought six of the guys on The Ellen Show for maybe the coolest group date in Bachelorette history. During the show, Rachel revealed to Ellen (and some poor unsuspecting souls on the date) that she had already kissed some of the guys, and things got awkward fast. After the problematic Tickle Monster sadly asked when it would be his turn (maybe if you didn't tickle people without asking, Jonathan) Bryan declared, "She's a great kisser," thus revealing himself to be the first of the men upon whom Rachel deigned to bestow a kiss. But alas! Bryan quickly discovered he was not alone, as another contestant jumped in with a, "I second that." Then, as if things were not already awkward enough, Bryan shot back with, "you got my sloppy seconds."
Not only was this statement cringeworthy (even Ellen seemed to struggle to make a joke out of it), it's borderline slut-shaming. That problematic phrase implies that if a woman kisses more than one man in a night, or, as in this case, in the span of a full week, she is "sloppy." Statements like the one Bryan made work to reinforce centuries of society shaming women for their sexuality, while simultaneously allowing men to have as many exploits as they want. Notice that Bryan was calling Rachel "sloppy seconds" as a way to mock the other contestant for not being the first one to kiss her, as if Rachel is territory that is claimed by the first man who gets to her. Seriously, it was gross.
Rachel can kiss whomever she wants to, whenever she wants to. And, even though I don't think Bryan meant to literally call Rachel herself "sloppy seconds," the fact that he even has that language in his vocabulary is a huge red flag. If I were Rachel, I would seriously consider giving Bryan the boot next week.