We've already had a glimpse of the horizon that is Alcoholic Drinks We'll All Be Consuming In Summer 2018 — and so far, it seems as if the recent releases of a bunch of rosé hard ciders are leading the pack. But it looks like yet another contender is in the mix, because Captain Morgan is releasing a Watermelon Smash version of its rum that is basically screaming to be in a poolside drink. (Ugh. Pools. Remember when, guys?) And if the rumors on what it tastes like are true, this drink may very quickly overshadow all those ciders you had lined up on deck.
According to Delish, Captain Morgan's Watermelon Smash really does taste like watermelon — and is sweet enough that it "basically taste[s] like a watermelon Jolly Rancher." As someone who is both a proponent of alcohol and Jolly Ranchers, this is pretty much the best thing to happen to me since I discovered restaurants that serve bottomless sangria. According to Captain Morgan's website, the drink is best served either chilled as a shot, or can be used to make a spritzer. They have also ever-so-helpfully provided three different drink recipes on their site, including said spritzer, a watermelon mojito, and how exactly to go about making your watermelon smash shot (which is, incidentally, the new name of my band).
Be warned, though: this drink is limited edition, so if you're looking to get your 'grams on with this ridiculously adorable watermelon-shaped bottle, you're going to have to snag one while they're available. Granted, Captain Morgan says on the product description that you can use it to "party like a captain all summer long," so hopefully that means there will be enough stock to get us out of the Narnia-esque hellscape of this never-ending winter and into the sunshine where we all belong.
Excited as I am for the watermelon version of this drink, I have to say that I am still quite partial to the "Loconut" version of Captain Morgan, which is, unsurprisingly, a blend of their rum and coconut liqueur. While it was the subject of slight mockery because I kept one propped at my desk for long after the summer season like that slightly bonkers neighbor of yours who never took down their Christmas lights, I stand by it, not only because it was delicious, but because the bottle is LITERALLY COCONUT-SCENTED. I dare you to find a bottle of anything with that much raw swag. Behold the Loconut is all of its unrepentant glory:
Alas, if hard liquors (or ~liqueurs~) are not your summer speed, you can take it a little easier with the aforementioned other hot drink of the summer, which is indisputably rosé hard cider. While this has certainly been a thing for the last few years, it really took off last month's release of Angry Orchard's version (which, incidentally, we also described as tasting like a Jolly Rancher). This prompted us to commit the brave journalistic task of trying all the four viral rosé hard ciders (i.e., getting tipsy at work on a Thursday evening) so we could determine the merits and general flavor profiles of each of them.
Anyway, the takeaway from this is that if you, too, are gazing melodramatically out of your office window and waxing poetic about the summer that refuses to come, then have hope in your frigid little heart. Ignore that stupid groundhog and the six weeks of winter nonsense; Captain Morgan says screw your shadows, and have some watermelon-flavored rum instead. And seeing as he is a captain, he probs has the authority to do just that.