Raise your hand if you’re heard enough of the Colton-and-Tia saga from Becca’s season of The Bachelor. You have? Well, buckle up, Buttercup, because it’s all just transferred over to Bachelor In Paradise and there’s really no escape. Tia and Colton are this season Bachelor In Paradise’s Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, only, you know, not as old Hollywood and more Instagram famous. Ship it or not, this is happening. Tia and Colton’s first Bachelor In Paradise date went off without a hitch, but can this feeling last?
It almost didn’t happen — Tia was stuck in a repetitive loop of “Where’s Colton? Is Colton here?” from the moment she stepped into Paradise, and when she got the first date card before Colton arrived, she almost lost it. She took Chris and they had a nice time, but she was waiting for her former NFL player to show up. And he did, date card in hand. The most suspenseful part of their date was that when Colton was auditioning someone to take on the date, he didn’t talk to Tia first. He grabbed Kendall for a chat, not saying a thing to Tia. Was this his idea of putting her on ice? The women on the show were incensed, which was nice, because girl power and all that. But then Colton asked Tia on the date (because of course he was planning to all along) and they went on a yacht. But Tia was almost immediately annoyed that Colton didn’t get down on one knee right there and then. So they had to have The Talk ™ on a gorgeous yacht instead of enjoying it.
One side of their relationship is that they’re already familiar with each other and should just be able to jump off into exclusivity here in Paradise. But the other side, and Colton’s main argument, is that he wants to see what else is out there before he commits to Tia on the first date in the first moments of Bachelor In Paradise. Tia — if he can’t commit to you after already hanging out with you for a while, he’s just not that into you. Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly, and Jennifer Aniston are going to star in a sequel just to lay out your situation right now.
And it's totally normal to want to see a relationship through, but Colton hasn't exactly been forthcoming with how he talked about his relationship with Tia. He told Becca that it was a weekend, and she said it was longer than that. He told Becca he wasn't feeling it with Tia, and she said he told her he was going on The Bachelorette essentially for her. What is the answer here?
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The answer is for Tia to go date around. She should see Colton if she wants to see him but girl — love yourself. Sure, Colton is hot, but so are most of the other guys on Bachelor In Paradise. Tia is gorgeous and funny, and she could have her pick of the litter. Why limit yourself to a man who wants to play mind games? Quit playing games with her heart, Colton!
Right now, Grocery Joe is into Tia. Chris is into Tia. We know Tia is into Colton, and the heart wants but the heart wants, but at some point, you need to fish or cut bait. If Colton doesn't want to invest in Tia, Tia should know her worth and say, "Boy, bye." But hey, there's a whole rest of the season to go.