Experts Say Your Partner Won't Make These 7 Mistakes More Than Once If They Truly Love You
Nobody is perfect. Because of that fact, everyone is bound to make a mistake in their relationship at some point. But there are some mistakes that shouldn't be made more than once, especially if your partner loves you the way you deserve.
According to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and relationship expert, people tend to make more relationship mistakes the longer they stay together. For instance, something super basic such as showing your partner common courtesy can drop off when you're in a solid, long-term relationship.
"So many people think that a love relationship somehow means that you can treat your partner with less courtesy than you would others in your life," Dr. Manly says. For instance, long-term couples are more prone to making relationship mistakes such as forgetting to respond to messages, saying insulting things out of "love," or flaking on dates last minute. "As a result, some partners think that it’s 'OK' to repeat the same mistakes with a partner, yet they wouldn’t dream of taking that attitude with a co-worker, friend, or family member," she says.
Most of the mistakes that get made in relationships are pretty forgivable. The key here is to apologize, talk it out, and of course, make the effort to never do it again. A partner who truly loves you like you deserve will be sure to learn from the mistakes below.
Unfortunately, nobody is immune to cheating. But as Dr. Sadie Allison, relationship expert and author, tells Bustle, you can work through a one-time thing and move forward in a positive way if you're both on the same page. "Hopefully after your partner sees how devastating it was to you, they won't ever want to hurt you like that again and will have learned it's not worth it," she says. But if your partner does not show remorse or try to get your forgiveness, it's up to you to consider if the relationship is worth saving.
2. Forget Important Dates
Forgetting to acknowledge a birthday or an anniversary once is fine. But if it's important to you and you told your partner it made you upset that they forgot, Dr. Sadie says they shouldn't be making that same mistake again. "If someone really cares about your feelings, they'll make it a priority to put that smile on your face because they know how special those days are to you," she says.
3. Show Up Late Without Giving A Head's Up
This may seem like a small thing that should be easily forgiven. But according to Dr. Manly, this is the type of thing that can show just how much your partner actually respects you. "When it comes to issues of basic respect, it’s important for partners to act in conscientious ways," she says. Your partner should be capable of making mindful decisions. If they can't slow down for just a moment to send you a quick text, they're not choosing to show you the respect you deserve.
4. Call You Disrespectful Names
For some couples, Dr. Sadie says, name calling or teasing are commonplace. But for others, certain words can cross a line. "If you tell your partner that something is absolutely not cool with you, they should understand it's disrespectful and will find other words to express themselves," she says. If they brush it off or say it's "just a joke," you may need to seriously consider whether this is the right partner for you, especially if they're not listening.
5. Bring Up Your Triggers During Fights
"Everyone has their own hotspots, as in any topic that triggers a big emotional reaction," Jane Reardon, licensed therapist and founder of the RxBreakup app, tells Bustle. If you've confided in your partner, they should know what these triggers are, but if you haven't opened up yet, they should know how to back off when a topic makes you uncomfortable. According to Reardon, anyone who truly loves you will give you the respect you need to resolve or accept these issues on your own terms. Someone who truly loves you won't use your past or your insecurities against you during fights, and they won't force you to deal with them when you're not ready.
6. Hold On To A Mistake You've Made
"Too often, I see that the harsh and rigid (sometimes punitive) boundaries and limits we place on mistake-making in romantic relationships can work against us and create a compassion-less atmosphere," Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D., clinical/community psychologist and co-author of Irrelationship, tells Bustle. So according to him, the biggest mistake your partner can make is to react in a negative way when you do something wrong. For instance, they may hold a grudge for a long time, keep bringing up your mistake, or use your mistake as leverage for them to get something out of you. If your partner doesn't know how to forgive and move on, it may be time to talk to them about it.
7. Justify Their Poor Behavior
"When someone loves you as you deserve and cherishes your presence, they will not defend, justify, or rationalize their bad behavior," Stephanie D. McKenzie, lead coach for The Relationship Firm, tells Bustle. "And if they do, they will see the error of their ways." They will take responsibility for their actions and they will work with you to come up with a resolution that satisfies both of you.
It's important to remember that every relationship is different. What used to be acceptable in a past relationship may not be acceptable in your current one now. So your partner may not know certain things cross boundaries. Having open communication can solve that issue.
Ideally, no one will make any mistake more than once. "However, when two people come together, what is a mistake for one may be learned behave for another," McKenzie says. So some things may take more than one incident to be corrected, even if they're truly in love with you.
It's important to always check in with yourself. If you really believe that your partner is making an effort to change, then great. But if you don't believe they're putting in the effort to treat you the way you deserve, they really may not be the one for you.