Bottles are for the weak. Or maybe, when you're a little tipsy you're too weak for bottles. Either way, the point is that you'll never have to be flummoxed by a wine opener or a stubborn cork again — because the newest way to drink wine is truly the laziest yet. High Key Wine Pouches are here to make your life so easy that you'll be feeling summer breezy in no time.
These individual pouches of boozy joy are basically an adult juice box — and they come in Sweet White, Dry Rose, and Semi-Sweet Rose options. Each pouch measure 187 milliliters, which is just over the standard medium glass of wine — and comes in at 12% ABV. Pick your favorite flavor or, if you want to really enjoy, you can have a variety pack that comes with two pouches of each, all available to order on the High Key website.
"You know that feeling when you are holding in exciting great news that you are dying to share?" the website says. "You want to shout it from the rooftops! We totally get that! High Key was created with that feeling in mind. So, whether you naturally trend toward the louder side or your mellow self wants to share out loud, we’re here to help you Bring the Party! Grab a High Key pouch and share your story!"
To be honest, I don't know what any of that has to do with wine... but that's not really the point, is it? Wine is the point. Wine is always the point. And portable, squeeze-y wine is even more the point. It may not be the most sophisticated way to drink, but it sure looks like the most fun way.
All of your adult life has been leading up to this moment — this moment when you can have a wine-filled juice box — so be sure not to waste it. Of course, wine has been escaping the bottle and venturing into other, easier to manage vessels for some time now. Boxes of wine quickly turned into mini-boxes of wine, which are even easier to take on picnics and other adventures. Meanwhile, Target went the other way with its epic wine cubes that hold four bottles of wine — including classy, grown-up options like Pink Moscato, which will sound super cool when you introduce it at your super adult dinner party.
But some other brands haven't abandoned the classic wine bottle — they've just updated it to make it much more convenient. My favorite wine invention of late is Garcon Wines' flat wine bottle. A flat wine bottle that can fit through your post box, so people can mail you wine. I don't need technology, I don't need a smartphone — wine in your mailbox is the future and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
That being said, as much as I will STAN flat wine bottles for life, it's easy to see that wine pouches are even more user-friendly. Yes, you can get rose cider in a can, which is kind of an incredible idea on its own, but some die-hard wine fans don't want a wine hybrid — they want the real freakin' deal.
High Key might just be onto something — and that thing is that we are all grown-up babies who just want wine in a juice box. A deep truth — and a smart business plan indeed.