How Each Myers-Briggs Type Shows Love
There is no one right way to show someone you love them: affection and attention can differ drastically between individuals and are determined by a variety of variables, such as personality. So it's no surprise that each Myers-Briggs type has their own way of showing their partners just how much they care, from writing love notes to having shared alone time.
"As a relationship expert who works with dating singles and couples, people often want to explore if the person they are with is going to be a compatible match in the long run," relationship expert Dr. Gary Brown tells Bustle. "In some circumstances opposites attract. In other circumstances it is more important to share similar personality traits. More important is your ability to communicate with each other, share common values, feel and express gratitude, and the ability to resolve conflicts in healthy ways."
Luckily, the Myers-Briggs test uses your own self-reflection and preferences to determine a psychological type and help you make difficult decisions. So if you're struggling to express your feelings to your significant other — or are confused by your partner's actions and how they're feeling — consider consulting Myers-Briggs first, to see how you and your partner are best suited to show love.
1. ISTJs Will Work Hard For You
Traditional in nature, with a heightened sense of responsibility, ISTJs (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judgement) are incredibly hard workers in all aspects of their life. Devoted employees and partners, their integrity and goal-oriented logic means that they'll never stop until the job is not only done, but done well. They justify the late nights spent at the office by reminding themselves who they do it for: their families.
ISTJs aim for that promotion or strive for that raise not to benefit themselves, but in order to give their loved ones everything they believe they deserve. It's through their tireless dedication that they properly show their love.
2. INTJs Will Listen To You Complain
While INTJs (Introverted, Intuition, Thinking, Judgment) are highly intelligent and incredibly complex thinkers, they are also extremely introverted. They appreciate their space and alone time, and can't be bothered engaging in what they consider to be mundane, such as small talk, gossip, or any form of surface level thinking.
So if an INTJ asks you how your day was, and then actively listens to you vent about the woman who sat next to you on the subway and wouldn't give you any space, that means they are truly engaged. If an INTJ takes a menial conversation seriously, it must mean that they truly love the subject.
3. ENFJs Will Plan Your Future Together
ENJFs (Extroverted, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment) are extremely extroverted and charismatic, but they can often get caught up in their passion: their idealistic way of seeing the world leads to daydreaming. Living in their feelings, they can often get lost in their imagination and their emotions, rather than facing reality. They are also big believers in people, and the goodness inside of them. Therefore, when an ENJF is in love, they will whole heartedly accept their partner for who they are, fantasizing about their future together and visualizing the best possible outcome.
4. ISTPs Will Take You On Adventures
Contradictory in nature, ISTPs (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perception) are both extremely insightful and rational while also being impulsive. They are unbelievably unpredictable personality type, who live in the present moment and love experiencing new things. They are inherently risk takers, who can one minute appear calm and reserved, and the next, hit with a burst of spontaneous energy. Their creativity and curiosity drives them to explore the world, and they want to take you along for the ride. If an ISTP asks you to choose an adventure, it could be a sign that they think you are "The One".
5. ESFJs Will Tell The Whole World They Love You
ESFJs (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judgement) are commonly associated with popularity. They're stereotypical extroverts, who love human interaction and thrive off of other people's energy. They have no issue with being the center of attention. In fact, the spotlight is where they feel most comfortable. They are most at peace when making those around them happy, and they're deeply concerned with how things appear. So when an ESFJ falls in love, they treat it the same way they treat everything —publicly. They will tell all their friends and family, post tons of pictures of you on social media, and shout it from the rooftops.
6. INFPs Will Write You A Love Letter
INFPs (Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) enjoy listening to others, but truly loathe talking about themselves. They are incredibly analytical and think in analogies and metaphors, living in their heads like a narrative. Highly perceptive, they idealize life and strive to understand it. Due to their power of observation, they fear conflict, and are therefore wonderful mediators. But because they avoid stirring the pot, they're often bad at expressing their feelings out loud.
When an INFP is in love, they will often put pen to paper, capturing their sentiments using symbolic language and philosophical thought.
7. ESFPs Will Share The Spotlight With You
ESFPs (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perception) love to put on a good show, even if that means showing off a bit. Although they are incredibly observant in nature, and love to tackle people's problems and offer advice when needed, they do enjoy a little bit of drama. ESFPs love to entertain, whether that means telling a story to the crowd or making their loved one laugh till they cry. But when the world is your stage, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of your own "stardom", that you neglect the needs of those around you. By focusing on the immediate gratification of attention, it's easy to ignore what truly matters in the long run. Therefore, ESFPs will show those they really love just how much they care by taking a step back and sharing their 15 minutes of fame with you.
8. ENFPs Will Try To Figure You Out
ENFPs (Extroversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception) are true social butterflies and incredibly intuitive. They love to really get to know people and understand them at their core. However ENFPs can get bored or lose interest quickly, so if they seem truly curious about you, then they will treat you like a mysterious and enigmatic puzzle, just waiting to be put together. Their enthusiasm and dedication to the relationships they see through can sometimes feel claustrophobic or smothering, but it's because their love is what fuels their innate to desire to fully decipher your mind, hopes, and dreams.
9. ESTPs Will Surprise You
ESTPs (Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perception) don't like to dip their toes in the water, they dive right in! They are thrill seekers, who thrive off of spontaneity and novelty. Incredibly enthusiastic, they are most comfortable when life feels like it's moving quickly. They have tons of energy, and often pour their passion into their latest big idea. So when they got caught up in the moment, and find themselves falling in love, their relationship becomes their new passion project. If an ESTP is cooking your favorite dinner when you get home from work, or surprising you with tickets to someplace you've always wanted to go, chances are, they're in love.
10. ESTJs Will Always Be Honest With You
ESTJs (Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judgment) are completely driven by their moral compass. Their loyalty is unparalleled and their desire to always do the right thing governs their daily lives. ESTJs will support their partners every chance they get, but they place honesty on a pedestal above all else. They are always eager to offer their own advice and counsel, but will always exclusively offer up the truth, even if it sometimes hurts to do so. If an ESTJ is a brutally honest with you, don't worry — it's because they truly do love you and only want what's best for you in the long run.
11. ENTJs Will Let You Take Charge
ENTJs (Extroversion, Intuition, Thinking, Judgment) are powerhouse personalities. They are incredibly competitive, and love taking control of a situation, managing it, and overcoming different difficult situations. They are natural-born leaders, whose primary mode of operation is action. There's nothing more satisfying to an ENTJ than winning, or accomplishing something great, therefore, they thrive when met with a challenge worth taking on. Therefore, ENTJs fall in love with people who are able to present them with their match: someone who can stand up to their level and handle the pressure of success. If an ENTJ trusts you enough to take charge, whether that means navigating the car or picking the restaurant, they are revealing how much they love you.
12. INTPs Will Analyze Your Relationship
An INTP's (Introverted, Intuition ,Thinking, Perception) brain never shuts off because they are constantly coming up with new theories, examining new patterns of behavior, and running experiments from the confines of their minds. INTPs are incredibly logical, and thrive off making observations and inferences that later turn into facts. They are often coming up with ingenious ideas, projects, and inventions. Above all else, they always think rationally.
But here's the thing: love isn't exactly logical, which is difficult for them to grasp. So if your partner is an INTP, and you catch them trying to figure out how your connection or emotional relationship is even factually feasible, well, then chances are, they're in awe of their love and can't comprehend or quantify it.
13. ISFJs Will Give You A Deeply Personal Gift
ISFJs (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judgment) are incredibly kind, warm-hearted, and generous people who are as aware of the feelings of those around them, as they are of their own. They are extremely dependable and considerate, and will go to great lengths to protect those they trust. However, their emotions are often very powerful, and thus kept to themselves unless they find an appropriate outlet. Instead of putting their love on blast, ISFJs express their love in subtle ways that are truly touching. Since they tend to have incredible memories, ISFJ are unparalleled gift- givers. If an ISFJ gives you the present you asked Santa for when you were five years old but never received, they're showing just how much they love you.
14. ENTPs Will Let You Win
ENTPs (Extraversion, Intuition, Thinking, Perception) love a good dialogue— they sharp and quick-witted, and love to engage in debates for hours at a time. They can recall facts at a drop of a hat and understand theories that are incredible complex. They question everything, and therefore are quick to dismiss people's thoughts and feelings as wrong or invalid. They can be know-it-alls at times, which comes off as slightly condescending. They will argue mercilessly just to prove that they're right. So if an ENTP actually lets you win dispute, and admits that your outlook had merit, that's a sign of true love.
15. ISFPs Will Remind You They Love You Every Chance They Get
ISFPs (Introversion, Sensing, Feeling, Perception) hate uncertainties. They hang onto facts and anything tangible that they can believe in and trust. It takes them a while to open up to people, but once they do, they embrace each moment and want to take full advantage of the connection. They care deeply and see beauty in every thing and every place. They derive meaning from these new experiences and emotions, so when they fall in love, they fall hard. If an ISFP has fallen in love with you, they will show you how they feel by telling you to your face constantly whenever they get the chance.
16. INFJs Will Let You Be Alone, Together
INFJs (Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment) are extremely creative people who see the world in different shades. They are profound and reflective, and tend to trust their gut for good reason. They can appear quiet and reserved, because it takes them a long time to trust people, so they protect themselves. INFJs use their energy to fight for a greater world and to help others, but often do so at the expense of their own self-care. They need to recharge, and when they do, they do so alone. But if an INFJ truly loves you, they will allow you be alone, together.
So there you have it: showing love can range from sitting in silence together, to lavish surprises or gifts. Or it can just mean a simple "I love you, mean it." But remember, Myers-Briggs results are open to interpretation, and are not able to fully determine or predict your relationship. Some people, and couples, just work in mysterious ways. But that doesn't mean you can't let your MBTI inspire your love in creative ways.