It's easy to believe your relationship is doing well when you don't fight a lot, you make it a point to celebrate those special occasions, and you make an effort to get away together. But in order to have a relationship that lasts, you need to pay attention to the smaller, everyday things that aren't necessarily worthy of an Instagram post. According to experts, there may be things in your daily routine that can be
setting your relationship up for failure without you realizing it.
"Sometimes it’s apparent, but other times it’s hard to see that these small habits are
creating distance in your relationship," Bethany Ricciardi, relationship expert with TooTimid, tells Bustle. Even the smallest poor habit can cause some "wear and tear" on your relationship.
the little things make up the foundation of your relationship. For instance, how you communicate and how often can determine whether your relationship is one that lasts or fails. "Either way, it will just be up to you to make a conscious effort to change your habits," she says.
Being aware of the things that can lead to a relationship breakdown is the first step in the right direction. So if these things are part of your daily routine, experts say to take note.
Thinking Your Partner Looks Good, But Not Saying It Out Loud
Often times when couples grow apart and break up, it's not because of cheating or something equally dramatic. There's usually a slow, gradual "leak of affection from the relationship,"
relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. "You can hedge against this by making sure that each day you compliment your partner," she says. Tell your partner they look good in their new shirt or thank them for being a wonderful addition to your life. Compliments are free. "They don’t take a lot of time and they build up the positive side of the relationship bank," she says. So make it a habit to give your partner at least one compliment each day.
Every couple fights. If you and your partner both think you're right, it's easy to hold off on talking about it until the morning. While stepping away to cool down may be a good idea,
Alexis Germany, in-house relationship strategist at Seeking.com, tells Bustle, sleeping on it might not be. "Allowing feelings of anger and resentment to fester overnight can lead to the association of sleep with negative feelings toward your partner," she says. When something like this starts invading your subconscious, it can break down your relationship without your realizing it. So make it a habit to resolve any conflicts you have before you go to sleep.
Saving The Hard Conversations For Later
It's easy to keep putting off hard conversations in order to keep the peace and harmony in your relationship. But doing so will only cause even bigger problems later on. One tough topic you should be talking about regularly is money. "Many couples I see don’t know how to discuss it in a business-like fashion,"
psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, LMFT, PhD, tells Bustle. "When couples don’t talk about money comfortably and easily, problems get discovered too late." If you're struggling to pay your share of the bills or you notice that your partner has been spending a little too much lately, you need to discuss it then and there. As uncomfortable as it will be, tough issues need to be discussed before it's too late.
Forgetting To Respond To Your Partner's Texts
Sometimes your day can be so hectic that checking in or responding to your partner can get pushed back or forgotten completely. "Checking in throughout the day not only makes your partner feel important, but it is also a time for you to to share anything that is going on in your day," Germany says. If you are really busy, sending a quick text to say so is better than letting things go ignored or forgotten.
Venting To Your Partner About Every Single One Of Your Problems
One of the best parts about being in a relationship is having someone to talk to. But as Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and host of the
podcast, tells Bustle, "If you want your relationship to last, stop unloading your burdens and dramas onto your partner." It's OK to do it every once in a while. But if you do it regularly, your partner may start to carry on those burdens as well. This is how we lose people, Trescott says. Investing in only your own problems and all the tiny little details can make your partner feel like they're not as important. "When you choose to bring all your outward energy into your relationship, you stop choosing to show up for your partner," she says. Thank You Heartbreak
Keeping Up With Your Partner's Social Media Activity
"It’s easy to be tempted to check in on your partner's social media activity throughout the day and use it as a point of reference to start a fight," Germany says. "But petty arguments over social media
lead to so many breakups." More often than not, people keep a constant eye out on their partner's social media when something is wrong. They may suspect them of cheating or they feel like they don't know what's going on their partner's life anymore. If those are the reasons for wanting to check up on them so much, you need to have a conversation with them to turn things around.
Not Always Giving Your Partner Your Undivided Attention
"This goes without saying but it’s still an issue in many relationships — make more time for your partner," Dr. Alok Trivedi, relationship expert and founder of the
Aligned Performance Institute tells Bustle. Being "too busy" or "too tired" to give your partner some of your time are not good excuses. "It sends a message to your partner that you would rather be elsewhere and you’re not as concerned with the success of the relationship," Dr. Trivedi says. The bottom line is, if someone is important, you're going to make the time.
When it comes to having a relationship that lasts, the little things really count. A relationship is only
doomed to fail if you don't put in the necessary work to turn things around. If you can find a place in your everyday routine to make your partner feel like they're a priority in your life, your relationship can make it.