If You Answer “No” To Any Of These 9 Questions, Your Partner Might Not Be “The One”
Simply thinking your partner could be "The One" is easy. Figuring out whether or not they actually are is another. Luckily, there are a few important questions you can ask yourself to help you determine if your partner really is "The One" or not.
Do you and your partner have disagreements? Do you and your partner make mistakes? Do you two have problems? If so, Amber Shirley, relationship coach behind @TextingAllQueens, tells Bustle, you're off to a good start. Many tend to believe that finding the right person means finally having that perfect relationship. But that's far from the truth.
"All relationships encounter issues and challenges," Shirley says. "However, when you’ve met the right person, you and your partner will see problems as issues to be resolved together."
"The One" may challenge you, she says. But they will always be your biggest supporter. When you argue, they'll be sure to fight "clean" and stay away from hurtful words. They won't criticize or make you feel worse when you're already down. Above all, they make you feel safe.
"You never question the value you bring to your partner's life," Shirley says. "They constantly let you know how important you are to them, and their words and actions reinforce a sense of safety, stability and security." It's what part of being in a healthy relationship is all about.
When you like someone a lot or you're just hoping for your partner to finally be the right person, it's easy to overlook a lot of the small, yet important things. So if you answer "no" to any of the following questions, experts say, your partner is not "The One."
1. Do You Miss Your Partner When You're Apart For A Long Time?
If you say no to this, ask yourself why. Is it a lack of connection? Does the relationship not make you happy? Are you feeling smothered? "You should have a strong enough love that when you're a part for a long time, life doesn't feel the same without them, "Mackenzie Riel, relationship expert with TooTimid, tells Bustle. "Otherwise, you have to ask yourself: why am I bothering with this person in the first place?"
2. Have You Stopped Envisioning Yourself With Other Partners?
When you're with the right one, you don't think about what it could be like with someone else. "The lingering thoughts of past relationships should be eliminated when you find a person that satisfies you and becomes an asset to your life," Riel says. To be fair, finding other people attractive is fine. But you should only want your partner and your main focus should be about building and maintaing a solid foundation with them.
3. Do Your Friends And Family Like Them?
If your family and friends are important to you, it's unrealistic to think everything's going to be fine if they don't like your significant other. "It's good to have that certainty that the people closest to you approve of your partner," Riel says. If not, they may be seeing certain red flags that you aren't seeing. If they don't get along at all, it will affect your relationship in the long-run.
4. Are You Curious To Learn More About Them?
Once you've been with someone for what seems like forever, it's easy to assume that you know everything there is to know about them. But according to Riel, a lack of curiosity can lead to a rut. "If you're with the right one, you won't feel like you're losing interest in them," she says. You stay curious and you continue to learn new little things about your partner each day.
5. Do You Like Exploring Life With Them?
"If this is an unsure or a no, you'll probably have a really boring life and feel resentment towards your partner for it," family and marriage therapist Rachel Wright tells Bustle. You don't have to go on grand adventures or travel around the world to make your life interesting. But you should be with someone you genuinely like being around. When you're with "The One," life just feels a little more exciting because you have someone to share it with.
6. Can You Talk To Them About Anything?
Good communication is a necessity if you want your relationship to last. Your partner should be the first person you think of if you have news to share, regardless of whether it's good or bad. You should feel comfortable enough to express your thoughts and feelings, even if you know your partner will disagree. "If you can imagine yourself locked in a closet with you're partner and there's flowing conversation, you have a great relationship," Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. It you can't, your relationship may not be as grounded, centered, or stable as you think.
7. Are You On The Same Team?
You're not going to agree on every single thing. That's OK. Every couple argues. But when you've met "The One," Ziskind says, you can have arguments respectfully, share your opinions about important matters, and then laugh together afterwards. There's no name calling or blaming. Nobody feels the need to be the "winner" at all times. At the end of the day, you're both winners because you know you're on the same team.
8. Do They Love You Unconditionally?
You're going to make mistakes. You may even say or do things your partner doesn't agree with. But that's OK. "You want to be with someone who understands that you're human and loves you through the good times and the bad," Wright says. If your partner's love comes with conditions, they're not the right one for you.
9. Do You Love Them Unconditionally?
Being with "The One" doesn't mean your relationship will be picture perfect. Throughout the course of your relationship, your partner may disappoint you. They may lose their job or get sick. Every couple goes through their fair share of ups and downs. "If you don't LOVE this person, or love them on the condition of 'if they stay this hot,' or 'if he gets his degree,' or "if she comes to therapy with me,' you're bound to lose the love because it's based on conditions," Wright says.
It's important to check in with yourself every now and then to see if your relationship is on the right track. These questions draw attention to the basic things that make up a good, healthy relationship. So if you're not immediately saying, "Yes!" to any of these questions, you may want to think about whether or not this is the right person for you.