If Your Partner Says These 7 Things About Their Ex, They’ll Be A Loyal Partner To You
No matter how uncomfortable it may be, talking about exes is bound to happen at some point in your relationship. While hearing your partner say nothing but positive things about their ex can lead you towards some relationship-sabotaging thoughts, experts say, there's really no need to worry. In fact, you should be listening closely. What your partner says about their ex can say a lot about their loyalty to you.
There are many different things your partner can do to show they've truly moved on from their ex and are committed to a future with you. As Christina Vazquez, psychotherapist and author of The Uncherished Wife: Recover from the Emotionally Absent Man, tells Bustle, deleting their ex from their phone, blocking them on social media and getting rid of personal memorabilia and pictures that they accumulated throughout the relationship are strong, definitive steps a loyal partner will take. "These behaviors certainly are done with the intention of disconnecting from an ex," she says.
When it comes to relationships, actions do tend to speak louder than words. But if you really want to know how loyal your partner will be, listen. Pay attention to the way they talk about their ex. It may make you a tad bit uncomfortable, but it can reveal a lot about your partner's character and any feelings they may still have for their past relationship.
So if your partner says these things about their ex, experts say they may be a keeper.
1. "They Tried, But I Wasn't The Best Communicator"
"Relationships can be the best classroom for personal growth," Vazquez says. If your partner bashes and blames their ex for everything that went wrong in the relationship, consider that a huge red flag. But if your partner shows accountability for where they may have failed, that's a really good sign. "A partner who is emotionally mature and aware is a critical factor in a new, healthy and thriving relationship," she says.
2. "There Was Nothing Bad About The Relationship, It Just Didn't Feel Right"
"I often caution clients that how someone talks about their ex can tell you a lot about the future possibilities in that relationship," Dr. Linda Miles, psychotherapist and author, tells Bustle. You should take it as a good sign that your partner is self-aware enough to recognize when something feels off. They may not have anything bad to say about their ex or the relationship, but they were able to let go of a situation that wasn't going to go anywhere. "You want to hear that your partner has become better instead of bitter because of the past," Dr. Miles says. If they continually put their ex down, that may be something to note.
3. "They're Cool"
If your partner can genuinely say that their ex is a good person, that's a good sign they'll be a good partner to you. "This shows that your partner is not demonizing the ex or making everything their fault," Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (aka "Dr. Romance"), psychotherapist, and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. Even if things didn't work out, they're mature enough to see their ex for the good person that they are. When someone enters into a relationship with a mature mindset, they're much more likely to be open and honest with their intentions.
4. "You Would Probably Like Them"
If your partner is still friends with an ex and suggests that you and their ex should hang out, it may sound strange but it can actually be a good thing. "This signifies that their past relationship is fully over, they have remained friends, and your partner wants you to be included in that friendship," Tessina says. When your partner can be open with you about their friendship with their ex, you likely have nothing to worry about.
5. "I Learned A Lot About Myself In That Relationship"
If your partner can say that they learned a lot about themselves from their past relationship, but know that they are a better person with you, they'll likely remain loyal. As licensed marriage and family therapist, Heidi McBain, MA, tells Bustle, "This shows you that they have processed and learned from this past relationship, and they won’t fall into the same relationship pattern with you."
6. "I Have Nothing But Good Things To Say"
"I think what your partner doesn’t say about their ex will show you how loyal your partner is," relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW, tells Bustle. When your partner doesn't reveal secrets their ex shared with them or won't say negative things about the past relationship, these are good signs that indicate loyalty. "The partner who has nice things to say about their ex and still maintains a cordial relationship with them is a keeper," she says.
7. "The Past Is In The Past And I've Moved On"
You can tell that your partner is loyal to you when they focus less on the ex, and more on you. "Anyone that tends to talk frequently about an ex, whether its asking questions or trash-talking is an indication that they’re not willing to let go of the past," relationship coach, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, ELI-MP, tells Bustle. But if your partner can address that the past happened but is focused on moving forward with you, it's a good sign that they're loyal. "People that are loyal to their partners do not hold on to things of the past," Ponaman says. "Sure, they may reminisce here and there, but they are able to accept things the way they are."
When you are dealing with a partner who has nothing but nice things to say about their ex, Dr. Jill Murray, psychotherapist and author, tells Bustle, keep those negative thoughts away. You've found yourself an emotionally mature partner.
"Don’t be insecure or threatened by it and don’t hold it against them," Dr. Murray says. "Remember that they are choosing to be with you now. If your partner isn't bashing their ex, it means that they've learned lessons that make them a better partner to you." In short, don't go looking for unnecessary drama where there is none. You've found yourself a total keeper.