If Your Partner Won’t Do These 9 Things, You’re Not Enough Of A Priority To Them
If your partner lets you down, doesn't listen, or leaves you hanging, you might start to wonder if you're a top priority in their life. And rightfully so. When someone is invested in a relationship, they tend to show it by taking an interest in your day, asking about friends, and making fun plans for the future — little things that show they care.
Without these moments, it's only natural to wonder how invested they are. And it definitely warrants a closer look. "People can get pulled in many different directions and it’s possible your partner is very busy and has a hard time managing all of their commitments," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. "Still, people usually make time for what they value. If your partner has time and energy for family, friends, hobbies, and work, you have to ask why [they] can’t make you feel like a priority, too."
If they let you down once or twice, it's doesn't have to be a big deal. But if it keeps happening, you may want to speak up. "The first thing to do is to let your partner know how your feel," Bennet says. If they are, in fact, taking the relationship seriously, they should be able to make a few changes. Read on below for some things your partner might not do if they aren't fully invested, according to experts.
1. They Won't Meet Your Friends & Family
If your partner doesn't want to meet your friends, or comes up with excuses for why they can't see your family, it may be a sign you're not a top priority to them.
"People who prioritize relationships are excited to learn everything about who they are with, which includes getting to know family [and] friends," Lydia Kociuba, online dating expert and owner of Hidden Gem, tells Bustle.
While you don't have to do everything together, they should show an interest in who these people are. If they keep bailing, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart, and talk about how invested you both are in the relationship.
2. They Won't Make Long-Term Plans
"If your partner avoids talking about the future or won’t commit to long-term plans (e.g. a wedding in the fall), it’s possible they don’t see this relationship as a long-term commitment," Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells Bustle.
It might also mean they simply haven't thought that far ahead. But either way, this is a great time to have a chat. "You can’t determine how your partner feels about you, but you can talk about how you feel in response to their behavior," Dr. O'Reilly says. "And you can ask for clarification."
3. They Won't Put Your Needs First
Is everything always about your partner, what they want, and what they need? If so, it may be time to take a closer look at your relationship, to figure out where they might be coming from.
"While you can’t be your partner’s only focus, if your needs are always taken care of last, it’s a sign that you aren’t a priority," Bennett says. "This could include neglecting your needs to focus instead on family members, friends, and even work commitments."
These are things that may require your partner's full attention at times. But if you're always coming in second, the relationship may not be as serious as you think.
4. They Won't Talk About Your Relationship
While it may not be "fun" to talk about relationship problems, or the tough things you're going through, a committed partner will find the time to do so, Dr. O'Reilly says. If yours doesn't seem open to taking things to a deeper level, consider it a red flag.
5. They Won't Stick To The Plan
If your partner cancels plans, or bails on a date at the last second, it's not going to feel great. So you definitely don't want to sit idly by, and let it become a pattern.
"If it happens once in a while, you’d both benefit from being flexible," Dr. O'Reilly says. "But if it happens consistently, it might be a sign that you’re not a priority."
6. They Won't Share Important Moments With You
Your partner should be excited to share major moments with you, like birthdays, holidays, and vacations. But if they're always leaving you out, Bennett says it can be a sign you aren't topping their list.
Keep in mind, though, that not everyone shows their love the same way. It might not occur to your partner to invite you to a work event, for example. But you should still let them know what you'd like to see happening in your relationship.
If you let them know how it makes you feel, they should be willing to step up their game, and include you going forward.
7. They Won't Mention You On Social Media
Social media isn't a big deal for every couple. And yet, if you enjoy sharing photos and value having a presence online, it can be a red flag if your partner isn't willing to do the same.
"Social media can be an accurate reflection of your partner’s priorities," Bennett says. "It’s the image your partner projects to the world. If your partner seems to be hiding you or excluding you, then it’s fair to wonder if you’re a priority at all."
8. They Won't Call You With Big News
One way to tell if you are a top priority to your partner, is if you become their go-to person when they get big news — both good and bad.
"If your partner turns to friends and other people to discuss their deepest thoughts — up to a point that [they seem] like a mystery to you — you should be alerted," dating expert Celia Schweyer, tells Bustle.
And the same is true if they seem indifferent to your big news, when you call them. If they can't take the time to listen, or don't seem excited about what you have to say, you may want to take a closer look at the health of your relationship.
9. They Won't Text Back
If your partner takes forever to text back, it can be tempting to come up with justifications. Maybe they're busy, or aren't good with their phone. But the reality is, when you're someone's top priority — and they're taking the relationship seriously — they usually find time to communicate.
"Whether it is urgent or not, a partner that respects you, your feelings, and your time will always try to answer ASAP," Schweyer says. "Of course, [they] might be busy during the day, but not paying attention throughout a longer period of time, or without any given reason, is a clear sign that your partner doesn't see you as a priority."
In many cases, these things may simply be bad habits, and ones you can work on as a couple — so you both feel happy in the relationship. In other instances, though, they may be signs you're not enough of a priority. Talking about this issue will be key. And the sooner you do so, the sooner you'll know if it'll be possible to overcome.