When it comes to what to look for in a partner, it's important to consider what you want from a partner. If you're looking for a someone to settle down with, for example, you're going to have to be so damn comfortable around each other that you can even just be quiet together. "How well do you and your partner do silence?" clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, asks Bustle. "In other words, can you both comfortably share downtime without words, without a task to perform … without the need to interact and relate? Even mutual meditation counts as a task. If you and your partner can experience silence together without feeling freaked and worried that something is wrong or — an even bigger red flag — feeling bored, then that's a good sign you can stand side by side on life's unpredictable journey."
But the truth is, if you're looking for someone just for a fling — or even just for the night — you may have something very different in mind. Personally, I'd want anyone I spent time with to still be interesting and funny, but I definitely had higher standards for picking a partner than a hookup.
Do men feel the same about women? Well, as ever, Reddit had all the answers. Male users talked about what they looked for for the night and what they looked for to settle down with— and some of the answers might infuriate you.
There Are Two Broad Categories Of Women... What?
For example, one user explained "... I guess I'll be the asshole here: yes, I do think there are two broad categories of women. Girls whose personalities and lifestyles only make them good candidates for short-term fun (ie those you f*ck) and girls who are actually driven, kind, intelligent and have qualities suitable for building a real bond and life together (ie those you marry)." Um, what?
This Dude Thinks You Can Tell In A Few Minutes
And others just were openly superficial: "I think it takes only a few minutes of watching body language and judging how she dresses. I would say 85% of the time it works." Awesome. Eighty-five percent of the time you know if you can spend your life with someone within a few minutes of meeting them. Good luck with that.
And Some Men Talk Sense
This guy full out restored my faith in humanity.
"Every woman to marry is also a woman to f*ck. I wouldn't marry someone I didn't want to have sex with.
The vast majority of women to f*ck are also potential women to marry, but obviously as you get to know people better, you find out whether or not your compatible. The only women to f*ck that aren't potentially women to marry are the ones where you know ahead of time that you're incompatible with in some way, but you still both find each other attractive and like each other enough to want to bang."
You can check out even more responses on reddit. I mean, some of the answers make my blood boil — but I don't think that's unique to men. I've heard women talk about how they would only marry a man who makes a certain amount or has a certain family, and that makes me angry, too. There are definitely some jerks out there when it comes to standards and stereotypes, but thankfully some people get that it's just about the person and that it takes time to get to know them properly.