An Ode To Soup, The Most Unfairly Maligned Genre Of Food

Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about soup? The correct and only answer is yes, because while some believe soup is boring and expensive, I want to preach the Church of Soup to any and all Soup Deniers. “Soup isn’t filling enough to be a meal on its own,” some may say. “SoUp Is LaMe AnD bLaNd,” they cry. “Was this written by a bowl of soup?” they ask.

We all anxiously await the return of pumpkin spice season and tout mac and cheese as the “perfect food.” Yet, there sits soup, a highly underrated year-round treat, extra perfect during fall and winter months, and an open canvas ready to envelope all your food trends. So where, I ask, is justice for soup?

I was recently Saved (praise emoji hands) by this thai carrot and sweet potato soup. Do you like thai peanut sauce? Do you like tricking yourself into eating vegetables? Do you remember the part where I said “thai peanut sauce”? If you’re looking to be comforted during these forthcoming winter months, snuggled in a warm embrace that will protect you from the chilly weather and the extremely not chill news, welcome. Soup is here for you.

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I should clarify that canned soup (lowercase “s”) is not necessarily the same as Soup. In the same way that Lunchables Pizza is good and fine in its own right but not really good pizza, most canned soup, while good and fine in their own right, isn’t really good soup. Just want to make sure we’re all on the same Soup page.

There are entire restaurants dedicated to fancy toast and yet we are still debating whether soup can be a meal? That is food discrimination and I will not stand for it because soup is a meal best enjoyed while seated. Someone pours a smoothie from a cup into a bowl and suddenly it’s a food trend? Call it what it is: cold, fruit soup!

Everyone wants to know whether a hot dog is a sandwich but no one will answer my deep, bellowed cries about whether cereal is, in fact, a soup. A donut becomes breakfast sandwich bread when you add eggs and bacon and lose all sense of reason. By the same logic, if ice cream melts in a bowl, does it not become a sweet, milk soup???

You know who likes soup? Oprah. You're going to look Oprah in the eyes and say you don't like soup?

People have long been shoving ducks into chickens into turkeys, and we’re perfectly fine with fast food chains making up an entire additional meal that comes between dinner and breakfast. Yet, soup remains underrated. We must come together, hand in spoon holding hand, and acknowledge that not only can soup be an entire meal, it can be a multi-course meal at that. Simply pair soups with different sized breads and then, wow, amazing, you have a Soup Meal.

Appetizer? A little amuse bouche of soup with a hearty, grilled slice of a baguette. Main? Hello, it’s me, soup, topped with some delicious croutons and LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE YOU CRAVE. That’s right, Anti-soup America, all of your already asserted food trends pair perfectly with a bowl of soup. Bacon? Perfect on a bowl of potato soup. Avocado? Slice that cado up and mix ‘em into a tortilla soup. Pizza? Honestly, why not? You’re dipping slices in ranch dressing. Might as well dunk that pepperoni pie right into a cheese bisque.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not know there are soups that are basically just a hot bowl of cheese? Yeah, my dude. All of your savory cravings belong to soup. Pasta, chicken, burgers, tacos: it’s all soup to me, baby!

Everyone ripped their grease-stained clothes off in celebration when they mistakenly thought Congress declared pizza a vegetable. If humankind is looking for ways trick themselves into thinking foods are healthier than they actually are, welcome to the Church of Soup. Here, everything appears healthy because it’s kind of watered down and you eat it with a spoon, the most nutritious of all the utensils.

Remember when you used to get sick as a child? What did your mother or papa prepare to make you feel better? Was it a kale salad? An acai bowl? Or was it a big ol’ bowl of soup? Oh, they gave you penicillin? Okay, but did they feed it to you on a spoon? I rest my case.

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In regards to gazpacho, I have no comment.