The truest burden of the human experience is the burden of choice. With too many options occasionally comes more power than we can wield, and today, my friends, Olive Garden has flown us all a little too close to that sun — because today, Olive Garden's create-your-own lasagna launched, and with it more options than your breadstick-loving brain can wrap itself around.
The special is called "Lasagna Mia," which is just ABBA-esque enough that you can bet your bottom dollar I will be consuming this with my bare hands in a movie theater watching Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again this summer. According to Olive Garden's website, each create-your-own lasagna will start with a base of their Four Cheese Lasagna, at which point you can select one of four different sauces and one of six different toppings. According to my arch nemesis math, that's a whopping 24 options of different lasagnas you could consume. I'm not saying you should go to Olive Garden 24 days in a row to get the full experience, but I'm not not saying it, either.
Your options are as follows: for the sauces, you can choose from Meat Sauce, Marinara, Alfredo, or Five Cheese Marinara; and for toppings, you can choose from Garden Veggies, Cheese Ravioli, Mini Meatballs, Chicken Fritta, Grilled Chicken, and Sautéed Shrimp. No word yet on what your receptacle options are for catching your tears when you consume this glorious creation, but in the meantime, you can attempt to soak them up with this literal video that Olive Garden launched showing 17 seconds of unadulterated, cheesy goodness.
Olive Garden is going full Billy Mays on this, though, because WAIT! THERE'S MORE! This new menu option, according to Olive Garden, comes with all the breadsticks, soup, and salad you want. The lasagna itself starts at $12.99 (some toppings have an additional fee), so you can pretty soundly eat back the dollar amount you spent and then some.
It's worth noting, though, that this deal is only available for a limited time — it will run through July 22, at which point you'll be all, Lasagna Mia, why, why, did I ever let you go? (Last ABBA reference, I swear.)
In case you're feeling particularly reckless with your ability to digest dairy, it's worth noting that you can still purchase yet another Olive Garden item of viral lore: the Loaded Pasta Chips, dubbed "Italian Nachos" by the internet, are still on the menu. You'd be staying thematically on point, because the pasta chips are baked lasagna topped with cheese and meat sauce. This was initially introduced as a special for the Super Bowl in February, but I think it's safe to say that anything involving that much cheese transcends whatever sport inspired them. America has needs.
It has also come to my attention during my Olive Garden deep dive this morning that they offer a Lasagna Fritta appetizer, which is just a fancy way of saying "we took a cheesy dish and then fried it and crusted it with more cheese". It is truly a time to be alive.
TL;DR: now you can have your create-your-own lasagna, and eat it, too. And then eat it again. And again. The lasagna options at your disposal are truly a marvel to behold. Those parents who named their kid in honor of Olive Garden should be more proud of their handiwork than ever.
Anyway, if anyone needs me, I'll be looking up ways to Postmate deliver this from the Olive Garden in Times Square, because look at me now — will I ever learn? I don't know howww, but I suddenly lose control! (Re: the ABBA references; I lied.)