You show me one person who hasn't got an awful ex and I will show you a million pound note. Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly. There are some lucky souls who coupled up early doors and avoided the challenges of dating, but a lot of people weren't so lucky. Whether it's a fling or a long-term thing, relationships are a prime example of how you sometimes need to wade through the trash in order to get to the treasure. As much as you might want and try to make a relationship to work, signs that your partner isn't the one can be hard to ignore. When the universe is screaming that this isn't right, you've got to listen.
Alas, it's an emotional mine field out there and you are lucky if you can get to the other side without baggage akin to a Real Housewife's weekend packing. Nevertheless, there are some red flags to look for, and while I am no relationship expert, I have done a whole load of "don'ts" and I am more than happy to share my knowledge in order to help you try and get it right. Read on for my words of wisdom gained form years of firsthand experience.
1You Are Not Acting Yourself
A close friend recently told me that the way he assesses someone's new partner is by looking at how that someone behaves. Not by looking at the new partner. Such sage advice.
So, if you are acting more cray than a big old box of frogs, hun you need to take a step back and ask yourself why. Being true to yourself and who you are is pretty much all you have in life and your relationship with yourself is the most special one you will ever have.
2You Are Being Made To Feel Unattractive
It's not uncommon to have body confidence and self-esteem issues. In my experience, it's like a big old spectrum that grows and changes every day. What causes these things to change can be any number of things, but if you can see a clear link in how your partner makes you feel about your appearance? Nope. That is not cool.
Periods of low self-esteem can make you vulnerable. Certain people pick up on that and make you feel worse. These people are known by scientists as douchebags. OK, that is not the scientific term but I'm sure you have heard the word "abuse" and making someone feel awful about how they look is a pretty hectic and scarring form of abuse that can leave the victim feeling like nobody else would ever want them. This is not true, and the perpetrators are trash. Girl bye.
3Hiding Things From Your Loved Ones Or Apologising For Bae's Behaviour
Friends really are the family you choose. I believe that whole heartedly in so many ways. Family are the friends you might not necessarily choose but they have your back (if you're lucky) when you need them.
Now if you are really stressed about something going on between you and your partner and you feel ashamed to tell your friends or family, that is probably a red flag. If you find yourself constantly apologising for bae being a d–bag? Its definitely not the right situation.
4Your Friends And Family Don't Like Them
This is one of the most important signs that things are not going swimmingly. If your friends and family really don't like your partner, odds are the partner like, super sucks. Of course, there are instances when maybe your loved ones just don't get them, but if it's the majority of them who aren't huge fans? Hell no.
5You Are Being Mean
Every person can be mean, we are all capable of this. Meaning that yes, you may also be someone's awful ex. Real talk, yes I am talking to you. Have you ever dated someone and known you were being mean to them? Well I know for one that I have. If you are being cruel to someone you obviously don't like them very much. So let them go so they can find someone who will be lovely to them and give them what they need.
6You Are Feeling Pressured To Do Things You Don't Want To Do
You shouldn't be doing anything you don't want to. That's the great thing about being an adult, you can do what the eff you want. It is not fair to pressure someone into changing their core values or into moves they do not want to make. If your other half is worth their salt you will be able to talk things out and proceed in the relationship the way you want to.
7You Are Constantly Questioning How They Feel About You
If you're in a relationship, you should feel pretty confident that your other half likes you. Heck, even loves you. If you're not sure you're on the same page, that's not a good sign.
You're a queen, and the way your partner treats you should be a constant reminder of that. Know your worth, girl. If your other half doesn't, show 'em to that door.
8They Tell You That You Are Crazy
This is NEVER OK. Firstly, unless they're a qualified doctor, your partner really doesn't have any right to diagnose your mental health. And even if they did go to med school, they shouldn't be assessing their loved ones anyway. Not to mention the term "crazy" is ridiculously offensive.
If they're not apologising, it's time you get a-thinking.
9There Is A Lot Of On-Again Off-Again
If you keep on breaking up and thinking someone will change going to change, you need to re–assess what you have going on here. As the often misattributed quote goes, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Yeah, I agree with whoever said that. I remember watching a particularly gripping episode of The Real Housewives Of Auckland when one of the stars mentions she had broken up with her boyfriend ten times in the last year. Ten Times. Think about the effect all that drama and heartache can have on your mental health.
There are plenty of warning signs to look out for when you're in the wrong relationship. But the most important action you can take is to listen what your gut is telling you. If you've got doubts, something's up.