You often hear people say they're looking for their soulmate. But others say we have multiple soulmates, and in fact, there may even be different
types of soulmates that serve different purposes in our lives. There are three types, to be exact, according to psychic Deborah Graham, host of SiriusXM's "The Psychic Connection" and author of Get Your Head Out of Your App: A Psychic's Guide to Attracting and Keeping True Love.
Before we come to Earth, we decide who we're going to have a close connection with, Graham says. Some of these people are meant to be in our lives forever, and
some relationships are temporary, but all are worthwhile.
attract soulmates of all varieties, Graham advises people to carry rose quartz crystals with them. "It's an energy that is unconditional love and self-love," she tells Bustle. She also says it helps to wear pink, which opens the heart chakra, or red, which has a "vibrant" energy that helps you get seen and heard. "Open your heart to a whole perfect and complete possibility," she advises. "When you meet someone, take an inhale/exhale and close your eyes and see if you can feel an energy connection between them."
Unsure if you're with your soulmate, or curious what kind of soulmate you're with? Here are the different types of soulmates, how to identify them, and how to know if you should stay with them.
Your twin flame is what you think of when you usually think of a soulmate. "You fit together as if you are a missing link or connecting to a puzzle," Graham says. "You feel like they are exactly what your soul and spirit has been looking for." You might find weird coincidences with your twin flame, like a certain number that always comes up when you're with them.
Meeting your twin flame is a life-changing experience, but it's not all flowers and rainbows. "It is one of the most difficult relationships out there because it is like looking at a mirror of yourself," Graham says.
Often, they're not the type of person you pictured as your twin flame. Graham has had several clients, for example, whose twin flames were a different gender than they expected. "The body doesn’t choose the soul; the soul chooses the body," she says.
However, just because someone's your twin flame doesn't necessarily mean you'll end up with them. Sometimes, people meet their twin flames when the timing is wrong, or they just can't seem to make the relationship work. What is guaranteed is that you'll unite again in your next life.
Some of us have romantic partners who we aren't meant to be with forever, but they're still "soulmates" in the sense that our souls made an agreement to be with them in this life, Graham says. Sometimes, they have a very specific purpose, like having children with us or resolving karma from a past life. "It's kind of like you’re finishing up a missing piece to your soul," she says. "It's about reconnection."
Even though a connecting soulmate isn't usually the person you're meant to be with forever, you'll still feel a deep connection with them and might even finish each other's sentences.
If you know you're with a connecting soulmate and not a twin flame, that doesn't necessarily mean you should leave them. "Sometimes you have to reach the connection with that connecting soulmate to understand what is a relationship," Graham says. "You get to learn more about yourself, so don’t look at it as a bad experience. It's a great experience. It's a learning experience."
But if you're hungering for a deeper spiritual connection, that may be a sign the relationship has run its course. "Life is a journey, but when you’re with that person and you’re like, 'I feel like theres a soul connection and I love this person but I still want to go out there and find my twin flame,' then that's up to you to continue that journey to find that twin soulmate," Graham says.
A soulmate isn't necessarily a romantic match. A soulmate could be a friend, a parent, a child, or even a pet, Graham says. What soulmates all have in common is that when you're with them, you feel whole, complete, and like your best self.
"It can almost feel that you knew that person before," Graham says. And chances are, you really have — in a previous life. Often, family members and friends follow one another from life to life in order to fulfill a karmic destiny.
All that said, Graham advises not to worry too much about whether your partner is a twin flame, a connecting soulmate, or
not a soulmate at all. Different people come into our lives for different reasons, so even non-twin-flame relationships serve a purpose. The good news is that you and your twin flame will find each other, whether you're looking for them or not. "You never lose that connection, even in the afterlife," says Graham.