When you're in a relationship, ideally, you're ideally open to talking about your sex life with your partner. Not just what's working and what's not, but also fantasies and new things you'd like to try.
"In my experience, partners who talk openly about their fantasies tend to have good communication, solid trust, and more excitement, which leads to great sex and nourishing relationships," sexologist and relationship therapist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold, tells Bustle. "This is the result of just the right combination of safety and risk."
But for some, sharing sexual desires doesn't come so easily. Luckily, YouPorn, the popular porn site, has a great new tool to help couples talk about fantasies and things they'd like to try. It's called the Couples Chemistry Quiz and it's an easy way for you and your partner to find common ground about sexual experiences you'd want to dabble in, even if you feel shy about talking about it. The great thing about this quiz is, you'll only know the things you and your partner both want to try.
"For many partnerships, communicating secret desires with one another can be intimidating, so we created this quiz to make the conversation easy, entertaining and efficient," Charlie Hughes, Vice President of YouPorn, tells Bustle. "It eliminates the awkward uncertainties and gets right to the point of what you and your partner are interested in trying. We always get a ton of feedback from our users, and one thing that frequently comes up is frustration with their sexual relationships. We felt like we could do something to really help these couples."
The way the quiz is set up is really clever. You start off by putting in your basic information and your partner's basic information.
Then, they ask you to go through a whole bunch of sexual acts. For each one, you have to decide if you want to try it. You can either choose the " no/we already do that" option, the "hell yes I want to try that" option, or an option that I thought was really cool, which basically says, "Yes, I'd like to try that but only if my partner is up for it."
They even customize it with your partner's name. Although it starts out fairly vanilla with options like 69ing or massages, by the end they're asking you about pegging and group sex, so things escalate pretty quickly. Then your partner goes through and answers the same questions.
You can be as honest as you want, because the fancy machine (also known as a computer) then lets you both know only the options that you were both up for. So, if you said that you were really up for anal fisting and they did not say they were, don't worry — they'll never see it.
Once you've both answered the questions, YouPorn creates a customized playlist based off of your mutual likes, so you can get down to it.
"We’re extremely excited about being able to not only kick-start these conversations, but provide extra resources for couples to make these fantasies happen!" Hughes says. "Every question you and your partner match on comes with relevant videos from our site, and articles from our sex specialists with the tools to practice their new interests."
Playing out sexual fantasies can be a great addition to your sex life — and, in a perfect world, you can discuss them frankly and openly at the drop of a hat. But some people are more shy or reticent when it comes to such a deeply personal topic, so tools like this quiz are a great way to share your sexual desires in a safe manner. It gets the conversation going — and then you can take it from there.