When shopping for sex toys, different people have different needs. Some want to enhance solo sex, some want to bring toys into the bedroom with their partners, and some... want non-existent products like "argue dildos" and "handcoffins." To find out what sex toy shoppers are searching for, the adult product retailer Lovehoney, which has had over 6.9 million searches on its website over the past year, analyzed the terms people are typing into the site's search bar, and the results are illuminating, to say the least.
There was a lot of the usual stuff, like "cock ring" and "rabbit," and then there was highly specific stuff like “a silicone butt plug for beginer one my wife can leave in her ass n get on with housework shaped without risk of it falling out.” And there were some terms the team wasn't sure what to make of.
Some of these phrases come from "smart phones trying to be smart and failing, and tiny phone keyboards making typing an inexact science," Nick Ellis, head of content at Lovehoney, tells Bustle. "Specifically, we think it's phones autocorrecting words without people realizing. Prostate Lasagne, for example, should be Prostate Massager. Maybe the customer had suggested Italian for dinner the previous night? For the completely unrelated terms, such as 'Parrot sale in India', we think it's probably people copying and pasting something into the wrong tab of their browser, or not having copied the words they thought they had and pasting something previously copied." Still, it's fun to imagine what kind of person might be interested in these things sexually.
Without further ado, here are some of the most entertaining-sounding sex products people are searching for, according to Lovehoney.
1"Election Enhancer"
When you're really looking forward to 2020.
2"Mild Vagina"
Can you also order it medium or spicy?
3"Mild Penis"
To go with the mild vagina.
4"Prostate Lasagna"
Not something you typically see on a menu.
5"Extra Quiet Clitoris"
Some clitorises just can't stop talking.
6"G Spotify"
For when your playlist seems a bit tame.
7"Pies For Women To Get Horny"
Nothing like food porn.
8"Nipple Gardening Cream"
Perfect if your nipple has a green thumb.
9"Argue Dildo"
Sword fight!
10"Be Warned Balls"
I'm gonna say that's autocorrect's interpretation of "ben wa balls."
11"Fifty Shades Of Greed"
Your move, E.L. James.
12"Handcoffins"
BDSM meets necrophilia.
13"Hate-Based Lubricant"
Why can't we all just get along?
14"Vaginal Fighting Cream"
To prepare your vagina to fight the patriarchy.
15"Very Berating Pants"
To fulfill your humiliation fetish.
16"Remorse Egg"
What your jade egg will become if you get it stuck up there.
17"Turnip Vibrator"
Apparently, turnip is a slang word for vibrator, so this one may not be that weird. At least no weirder than corn on the cob dildos and pig tail butt plugs.
18"Chicken Tikka Masala Condoms"
For when caipirinha and garlic condoms don't pack enough punch.
19"Made-Up Sperm Coconut"
Not even going to try with that one.
Moral of the story? Nothing you've been searching for online, particularly when it comes to sex, is weird. If you've been seeking unusual adult products, you're clearly in good company.
