These "Days Without Sex" Tweets Will Make You Laugh And Cringe
Everyone has a different sex drive and we all probably have a different idea of what constitutes a "dry spell". But there's one thing that a lot of us can agree on: wanting sex and not having it is the worst. If you're a sexual person, there's a good chance you've gone longer than you would like without getting laid. And the longer the dry spell lasts, the weirder things can get.
I once went nearly a year without sex — and I know how long it was, because I announced it constantly and complained about it every damn day. My friends heard the updates from four weeks to five weeks to six weeks and on and on. It wasn't pleasant for anybody. But now I know I'm not alone.
Currently, Twitter is full of people complaining about the number of days without sex that they've lived through and what it's driven them to do — and it's funny as hell. Although there are posts that date back as far as February 1, 2016, things have snowballed in the last week, for some reason.
There are so many sexually frustrated members of the public venting on the internet (as always) and it should make you feel better if you've ever been through a dry spell yourself. While many of the tweets get very graphic, there are a lot of them that are just downright hilarious. Here's what the people had to say.
1. When You Improvise
I hear you. And that's only 30 days in. Things can get a lot worse.
2. When You're Benjamin Buttoning
When I was younger I used to believe that if you didn't have sex for seven years then your hymen would grow back and you'd be a virgin again. When I grew up, I realized that virginity is a state of mind. You can go so long without sex that you forget what it was like to have it in the first place.
3. When You Start Off Strong
That's a bold choice on day one. Although I can't imagine it being a very comfortable reenactment.
4. When You've Deteriorated Completely
That's nearly nine sexless years, which is a whole long time. I think I would have resorted to gnawing off my elbow by then.
5. When It's Too Serious To Joke About
YUP, BEEN THERE.
6. When You're Just Tripping
OK, so this clearly is a joke — but I have felt totally surreal by how much I can't stop obsessing over it when I'm in a dry spell, so I get it.
7. When It's Just True
A small comfort? Nope. Not a comfort at all.
8. When You Commit
You could always handcuff yourself? Though I suppose that could lead to some complications... then again, so does getting arrested.
9. When You Go At It Alone
You can always spank yourself if you want. No justification needed.
10. When You're Homeward Bound
But I spend 99 percent of my bus, train, and plane journey thinking about sex so that would just make everything worse. Is that just me? Anybody?
11. When You Make Your Fitbit Proud
If you're getting your heart rate up then who cares how it happened? Well, maybe it's not quite as good for you as jogging, but I'm not going to tell.
12. When You Tempt Fate
I mean, there's no level of desperation that would make me deliberately act suspicious in an airport. Those security guards have something to prove.
13. When You Go For The Meat
Just... just get a vibrator? Cooking is hard.
14. When You Find Love Anyway
Some fall for the mannequins, some fall for the pizza. Lil' Caesar's gets us all, in the end.
15. When You Just Gotta Preach
I'll cheers to that. And by cheers, I mean Amy's vegan macaroni and cheese and 45 cupcakes. I'll do that.
Going through a dry spell that you don't want to be in can drive many of us to extremes, but at least you know that you're not the only one who becomes weirdly aroused when watching Pizza Hut commercials. It's a difficult, weird, experience — but there will be an end. Some day.