Ever wonder who needs a large condom? Like, actually needs it, rather than wants to think that they do? It can be an awkward conversation. I've definitely had guys reach for the gold package floating around in my top drawer before I've had to explain to them, "Shhhh, honey. It's alright... those aren't for you." What can I say? It happens. And there's nothing wrong having sex with a small penis or using a standard-size condom. You don't want someone to use one that's too big for them, because, well, slippage.
But in my experience, the number of people who actually need them is pretty small. But it turns out, in some cities the penises — or at least the egos— are bigger than in others. goPuff, an on-demand convenience store delivery service, delivers things like snacks, phone chargers, alcohol, and— crucially— condoms on demand.
And, in honor of National Sex Day 6/9 (get it?) they decided to look into what cities had the most demand for large condoms. Specifically, Magnum condoms. I have to say, some of the data shocked me. They looked at what percentage of the condoms ordered so far this year in each city were large. And, damn, some people are going to town with the Magnums. I have trouble believing they actually need this many. Here's what they found.
Seriously Columbus!? Eighty-two percent of the condoms ordered this year were Magnum. 82 percent. I like to think this is just one guy with a massive dick who's stockpiling. .
Seventy-three percent. And I'm still not buying it.
OK, now there's a massive drop down to 49 percent. That's still a high number, but the big drop makes me think Denver and Columbus guys are just kidding themselves.
Forty-four percent of Atlanta orders were for Magnums. I'm starting to doubt that my sexual history is representative.
At 43 percent, Tucson isn't far behind.
Another big drop. This time it's down to Newark, DE — who comes in at number six with 33 percent of orders being for Magnums. Honestly, that still seems high.
Thirty-one percent for Phoenix, so at least we're at under a third of all orders.
Twenty-nine percent of Beantown went for Magnum condoms. And my guess is that 80 percent of those condoms were used celebrating Red Sox wins.
Pittsburg had a 27 percent Magnum rate, which still isn't too shabby at all.
At 26 percent, our country's capital barely scraped it into the top 10. But that's still over one in four condoms being Magnums. I salute you, sirs.
OK, so I'm not sure I believe that the data actually corresponds to penis size— I think it corresponds to guy's egos needing to be boosted. Either that or Columbus is just one big sea of massive dicks. Only time will tell.
Image: Ashley Batz/Bustle