This Crying Unicorn Candle Will Speak To Your Dark And Sparkly Soul

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Do you appreciate whimsy and beauty but are also filled with constant existential dread? Then, this crying unicorn candle will likely speak to you on an emotional level.

You have Firebox to thank for the Crying Unicorn Candle. According to the website, when you light the wick of the rainbow candle horn, the white ceramic unicorn cries waxy, multicolored tears. It also comes with two spare horns, in case you run out and you’re a masochist. The Crying Unicorn Candle is available for pre-order, but it unfortunately won’t be back in stock until April 18. Apparently, the demand for adorably horrifying knickknacks is very high.

If you have $24.79 plus shipping costs to spare and your need for a weeping unicorn isn’t, like, immediate, this candle can be yours. (Well, in the physical sense at least. Who knows who truly owns the cute yet tormented soul of this tiny majestic beast.)

The tagline for this product/physical representation of your spirit is “Cry me a rainbow.” Are you there, Katy Perry? It’s me, the title of your next studio album. On the product page, Firebox describes the crying unicorn candle as ‘knowingly-kitsch.’ So, if you were looking for a short but telling Tinder bio, there you go.

Firebox
Firebox

The world is not lack for unicorn-inspired things for your everyday life. Feeling hungry but sparkly? Eat some unicorn toast. Do you want your makeup to transform you into a magical creature in an overt way? Pair this unicorn eyeliner with this unicorn highlighter. Want a hairdo that is memorable and will make it difficult to sit in small cars? This unicorn hair tutorial is for you.

But perhaps we’re setting unrealistic unicorns standards. Maybe unicorns aren’t glittery and gleeful all the time. In fact, real unicorns were just hairy-looking horse rhinos. Thankfully, we now have this candle to show the full emotional range of the unicorn.

Firebox

At the end of the day, aren’t we all just unicorns who are really going through it?