I know, I know — it's a little early for holiday talk, and any mention of wrapping paper is a Christmas creep sin to the extreme. While I can't pretend that I'm not personally guilty of it (my Josh Groban Christmas playlist and I aren't hurting anybody over here in this corner, thank you very much), I think we can all get on board with some early holiday shenanigans now that there is a wrapping paper so majestic that the paper is a gift in and of itself. Admittedly, this "Merry Fucking Christmas" wrapping paper is a tad NSFW, but it's 2017. If there were ever a moment to embrace an expletive, it's right TF now.
Described as "crass" but "festive," this wrapping paper from Firebox may cost a cool $12 a roll, but what are the holidays if not a built-in excuse to spend money on things that could potentially offend your friends and neighbors? It is fittingly emblazoned with the message "Merry Fucking Christmas" all over it, finally sending that cool hipster Scrooge vibe you've been working on perfecting for years, and even comes with four gift tags with similar messages so you can really drive the point home.
Nobody sums up the heart of it quite like Firebox themselves: "It's going to be torn to shreds and shoved in a bin bag before lunch time so who even gives a shit? Merry Fucking Christmas." (Although, to be fair, if someone gifted me something wrapped in this, I might never open it. Hope it's not a puppy!)
If you feel like mildly scarring your squad for life, though, you might want to hop on it; the wrapping paper is already so popular that it won't be in stock again until Nov. 28. That gives you plenty of time to find an actual gift to wrap this in, in lieu of just handing them this paper, which again, is more than enough gift on its own.
In the meantime, if you're looking for some similarly offensive fixes, it turns out if you ask ye olde internet will deliver. Here are a few other tastefully terrible wrapping paper options you have to help make everyone's season merry and bright, with just the right amount of womp. (HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y'ALL.)
Middle Finger Wrapping Paper Download
A picture paints a thousand words — or sometimes just the only one that matters. This is a printable download, so you have it immediately at your amoral disposal. The best part is, this one isn't holiday exclusive! You could easily use it for a birthday, a Trojan horse scenario for a frenemy, or a BFF's baby shower. (What are friends?)
"Merry Christmas, Motherf*cker" Wrapping Paper
If you are looking for the same sentiment but more of an "Elsa just accidentally froze the whole kingdom again" aesthetic, this is your best bet. Plus with the plural in the greeting you can just go ahead and gift your friends something as a group and alarm them all at once!
Ho Effing Ho Wrapping Paper
A festive way to wrap a gift and/or inspire your friend's new Christmas rap album. This one actually comes in a pack of four offensive holiday wrapping papers, so you can make things really personal by selecting a different one for all the members of your family!
You're welcome in advance for all the ice breakers you'll have opening these babies up at your first holiday season with the in laws. Just remember — Santa's watching!