This Royal Wedding Booze Cruise Offers Views Of Windsor Castle, Live Music, And Unlimited Champagne

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Up until this moment, there was only one respectable way for Americans to celebrate Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's upcoming nuptials: smacking the snooze alarm until whichever one of your roommates is the designated Morning Person eventually comes to collect you, then blearily pinching yourself to stay awake through the pre-dawn coverage so you don't miss out on, y'know, international history in the making. Now, though, it's time to get your butt out of bed and across the Atlantic, because one company is offering a royal wedding booze cruise package so decadent that Meghan and Harry might want to skip their own wedding to partake in it.

Quintessentially, a personal concierge service company that specializes in travel, will rent out a ~party boat~ that fits 50 people on it the day of the royal wedding, according to Travel + Leisure. The journey will begin on the River Thames and take passengers to all the iconic sights that are related to the royal wedding.

We will create a bespoke party for you and your guests to enjoy the wedding festivities from the heart of the action,” the company said in a statement, according to Travel + Leisure. “Your skipper will cruise along the River Thames and during the wedding ceremony you will be docked at Windsor Promenade with spectacular views of Windsor Castle and St George’s Chapel.”

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So no, it's not an invitation to the wedding, exactly — but it's as close as you're going to be able to get without having to deal with the hundreds of thousands of other people who are super excited about the royal wedding and decided to camp out on Windsor Castle's lawn.

They've even released a schedule of what will go down on the royal part-ay boat. At 10 a.m., you would arrive at Windsor Racecourse to board the boat, which would then depart for Windsor Promenade while you enjoy "morning snacks," according to Travel + Leisure. At 11 a.m., a "royal insider" would chat with you and your guests, offering juicy bits of information and fun facts that you wouldn't get on any ordinary royal tour. At 11:30 a.m., the boat would take off again for more views of Windsor Castle, before docking at 12 p.m. for lunch and and to watch the royal wedding, which will be projected on television screens in the boat. Once the wedding wraps up at 1 p.m., passengers can disembark to be part of the celebrations on land, and then return to the boat for a 2:30 p.m. afternoon tea, before heading back to the race course.

And yes, because you were wondering, there will be unlimited champagne on board. Time to test your bladder's capacity, royal wedding style.

Anyway, unless you happen to have a super rich friend who is also super into the royal wedding, odds are this is a bit out of your price range — according to Travel + Leisure, booking this boat will set you back a cool $59,000. But I guess it only happens once in a lifetime, right? What's a number higher than the average annual salary in America in the grand scheme of things, huh?*

(*Please do not make reckless royal wedding themed decisions based on my judgment; when it comes to throwing money at any and all royal-themed things, it is demonstrably poor and goes a little too far.)

Anyway, if this expensive trip really does float your boat (HA, me), you can check out Quintessentially's website to get in touch with a Lifestyle Planner for booking. In the meantime, the rest of us will just have to celebrate with coffee in one hand and champagne in the other while taking turns waking each other up, because the British insist on continuing to punish us for revolting by only ever doing anything fun when we're supposed to be asleep.