What Does Predictive Text Do? People On Twitter Are Using Predictive Text To Write The Story Of Their Lives, & The Results Are Equal Parts Poetic & Bizarre
I was born to be in the same pub with my friends but it was so weird. Um, what? This is my predictive text life story. Want to try it? People on Twitter are using predictive text to write the story of their lives, and the results are equal parts poetry and hilarity. If you're not sure what predictive text is, it's the feature on your phone that suggests the next word when you begin typing a text. And because your phone is sort of smart, but also a robot, it can compile a hilarious story of your life.
To use predictive text, go to your keyboard settings and make sure the predictive text setting is enabled. Next, write your own predictive text life story by starting with "I was born," then select the next word until you come up with your mini memoir. Your phone doesn't actually have a brain — that you know of — but, it is trained to anticipate your next move by learning your text behavior and suggesting words you might use next.
While the responses to Twitter user NBA Kurt Vonnegut's original predictive text challenge are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud, they also prove that some people's phones don't know them at all, and others should clearly start a second career as poets. For something that can overhear you talk about peanut butter and then show you a picture of it the next time your scroll through social media, the predictive text feature's storytelling skills are pretty rudimentary — with a few poetic exceptions — which is what makes predictive text life stories so freaking funny.
Type “I was born” and then let your predictive write your autobiography.— NBA Kurt Vonnegut (@therealbradg) November 3, 2017
Oh, please, please, please let J.K. Rowling write a predictive text Harry Potter series.
I was born in England but I don't think it's worth it. I've been working in the morning and the sky turned off. Only the best way is fine. https://t.co/aPeEw1D54O— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) November 3, 2017
I mean, what's the point of being in a human costume if the food is terrible?
I was born in the first place I have been so disappointed in the food here https://t.co/Luoce2ZeNA— ghoulia 👻 (@jk_larsen) November 3, 2017
This one pretty much describes every character from American Horror Story Hotel.
I was born in the middle of a hell crime and I cannot be killed https://t.co/6e2Jr8ieBY— Tuxedo Branson (@bransonreese) November 3, 2017
Sometimes you just want to go home, and if you're lucky all of your pals will be there waiting for you.
I was born in the morning. I am going home now. I hope y’all are still there and we are still going home tomorrow night. I am so grateful. https://t.co/jnOiMlEbG0— John Green 🐢 (@johngreen) November 3, 2017
When you realize you might have a parasitic twin living inside of you.
I was born in the same day as the other man and the other man in my head https://t.co/AZAdFi5v3a— Jacob Andrews (@FLoaBComic) November 3, 2017
This woman's phone actually does know her really well.
When your phone writes emo songs for you.
I whas born in my head of DOOM and gloom. You should have sex with someone else. Ok I'll be normal again and your gonna hear me out. ok you.— Santa Paws🎄 (@KittyGamer20) November 4, 2017
And uncovers the secret behind Orphan Black — making clones in a lab with sangria, duh.
I was born in the lab and was hoping to get there while you are out of sangria.— Jeff A. Heise (@JeffLikesPlants) November 4, 2017
This is Alice In Wonderland coming to life in 2017.
I was born and raised in the mirror and like what is looking back at the mall and I think I'm going to take my chances with you people— Stan (@shwizerstixx) November 4, 2017
Because, obviously the secret to smarter babies is giving them coffee.
I was born in the night and then I got a coffee ☕️ I was so excited for my birthday and it was amazing.— French (@nfFrenchie) November 4, 2017
The existential crisis of humanity summed up right here. And, life is so stressful. How does the phone know such things?
I was born and now my life has been so stressful for me and i am absolutely devastated that the world is so precious and my life is not— mau (@MAURlClA) November 4, 2017
How everyone feels about 2017, including this person's phone.
I was born and now I’m not sure what I can do with this place— christian (@christianredl) November 4, 2017
It might be time for this phone to go to rehab.
I was born intoxicated but it's not really that bad but it's not really good to see me in this context but it's ok to have the same problem— Allison 🏳️🌈Fairey (@amuseED) November 4, 2017
How introverts are born every damn day.
I was born with a fenced yard and I don't want to see you. You have a great day.— Shawn Willey (@_will3y) November 3, 2017
When you spend most of your life attending the school of hard knocks and you have to keep learning the same lesson.
I was born in the middle of the night several times with awful pains and I was like a magnet for a bit.— 🇸🇪 Kyle 🇫🇮 (@kylehakk) November 4, 2017
When you know it's time to take a social-media vacation.
I was born on the bus home close to tears in the morning and didn't want to share with Facebook, Twitter and the rest— Niamh Connell (@MiamiBoone) November 4, 2017
Your phone knows you're a lyrical poet, even if you didn't know it.
You were made of a good day. Can there be any higher compliment? I love this one. Seriously, it's giving me all the feels.
I was born in the lake this morning and I was thinking about you and you were made of a good day— hj (@tinycinemas) November 3, 2017
Because, if you're not going to be there for both me and my phone, it's over.
I was born to love you so much for you have a good time with me and I will be there for you and your phone and I will get you a picture— Eduardo A Claros Jr (@edjr04) November 3, 2017
Someone please organize a poetry reading for all of these literary gems.
I was born at night to die at night when the soul slept in beams of light.— David Staples (@dstaples) November 3, 2017
Lady Gaga said it a little more eloquently in the song "Paparazzi." "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me ... Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me..."
I was born to be a true fan but when you were a little bit sad I didn't know what you would do to me that you are my life and I love you— SactownBabyGiraffe (@TimMaxwell22) November 3, 2017
This one was written for the Polk Family in American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare.
I was born in the back yard and I will be happy to see if you have the funds to pay for the heads— Stephen Aghaulor (@saghaulor) November 3, 2017
I'm not crying, you're crying! OK, this one makes me a little sad.
I was born in my room but I'm not really looking forward to seeing my dad again tomorrow at the end of my life.— Johnny Daukes (@jdaukes) November 3, 2017
But, this one will give you all of the warm and fuzzy feels.
I was born in the making of humanity in Love— Charles LW🌐🐺🔝♾ (@Luminous_Wolf_) November 4, 2017
Have urinal cakes ever smelled fresh?
I was born in the second half of the season and I still smell like the freshest urinal cake.— Rob Pokorny (@romberto_p) November 4, 2017
If you've never seen the episode of Law & Order SVU where someone lives in a box under the bed, this is the plot.
I was born and raised in the wardrobe under the box with my t shirts in that's where sleepy stuff goes.— Dwarf_Princess69420 (@RawrKat90) November 4, 2017
How it feels to be born in 2017.
I was born in a good night at the beginning and the end of the world— Zero the OtSCARE (@ZeroTheOtter) November 4, 2017
Indeed, the past is the perfect place for dinner, and almost everything else.
I was born in the past and it is a good place for a great dinner.— Amanda Kay (@mander2109) November 4, 2017
Don't like your predictive text life story? Write a new one. My second one says: I was born in a new place and I lived there for years, and now I'm going back to the hotel. Apparently hotels and pubs are my jam, but I can always change the narrative.