There are a few markers in most of our sexual histories. The first kiss, the first fumble, the first time you actually have sex — some moments stay in your memory forever. And, for queer women, the first time going down on another women can be pretty damn memorable — and formative.
"Our culture is so fixated on vaginal penetration with a penis constituting 'sex,' as that was a standard set a long time ago. It may be helpful for legal purposes, but not in terms of consensual sexual expression," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure tells Bustle. "In the age of fluidity and choice, when we look at lesbian relationships it serves as an example that the definition of sex can be broadened. A common example would be using fingers or giving/receiving oral. Or, using a sex toy on someone of the same gender. They are all sex acts. The real question is...does it matter?!?!?! Let each person define virginity for themselves and communicate their definition to their partner(s)."
So many women — especially those who find that their sexuality "clicks" when they hook up with a woman for the first time – have a strong memory of their first oral encounter. Now, that's not to say that all of these memories are these lovely, romantic moments. Some of them are just as awkward and weird as other first sexual experiences — and they're as varied as the women themselves.