What To Do If You Feel Like Cowgirl Doesn't Work For You


Everyone has a favorite sex position, and for a lot of women, cowgirl (aka on top) is the go-to position that helps them reach orgasm almost every time. On paper, it makes sense: if you're 'in charge' of the speed and rhythm, how could it not work for you? However, what works for one woman doesn't necessarily do the trick for others, and many women (yours truly included) find it difficult to climax on top. I've often wondered how to reach orgasm in the cowgirl position, and if I was doing something wrong and hindering my own pleasure.

"The reason some women just don’t get off on cowgirl is exactly what makes some do," Anna Richards, founder of FrolicMe, an erotic site for women and couples, tells Bustle. "You have to remember the shape of your bodies and how you 'fit' in this position. The pleasure comes from the movement of his penis pushing against the front wall of your vagina and ideally up towards your G-spot. With the woman in charge... she has the benefit [of]... controlling all aspects — the speed, depth of movement, [and] the position she sits in."

However, just because you're 'in control' during cowgirl doesn't mean it will be a piece of cake for you to reach orgasm that way. There are so many factors that lead to a successful orgasm — getting the angle just right, making sure the clitoris is stimulated, and even just mentally "feeling it," so to speak. That being said, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you're having difficulty reaching orgasm on top (or in any position, for that matter). Because everyone deserves a happy ending, here are seven tips to help you take the reins and reach orgasm the next time you're having sex in the cowgirl position.

1. Change How You Move

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When you're on top, there's no 'wrong' way to move — so don't be afraid to experiment if you feel like one kind of movement isn't working for you. "A lot of times, [the] cowgirl position doesn’t work for women because they’re not getting [the] angle necessary to achieve climax," Kitty Kat Demille, a burlesque dancer and body empowerment/sex expert, tells Bustle. "A lot of women think of cowgirl like they’re trotting a horse (straight up and down). Instead, think of it like you’re riding a bull (gyrating forward and backward)."

2. Lower Your Chest

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If you want some extra friction on your clitoris, try leaning down so your chest touches your partner's, and then grind as usual. In addition to putting more pressure on your clitoris, there will be more skin-to-skin contact, and it switches up the angle at which your partner enters you. "If the position at first feels uncomfortable, being on top allows the girl to adjust, [by] sitting up higher on her knees and controlling the depth... or sitting forward and lowering your body [which] can take some pressure away if the [penis] is too far forward within her vagina," Richards says.

3. Don't Forget The Clit

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According to Cosmo's Female Orgasm Survey, 38 percent of women said the biggest obstacle they face in reaching orgasm is not getting enough clitoral stimulation. When you're on top, don't forget to stimulate your clitoris, whether you take charge and do it yourself or have your partner jump in to help. "As she rocks and rides her lover, a carefully positioned thumb rubbing on her sweet spot full of its 8,000 nerve endings will surely help send her over the edge," Richards says.

4. Get Extra Stimulation From Your Partner

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Although making sure your clitoris is stimulated is super important, your clit is not the only erotic zone that could benefit from a little extra attention. "Cowgirl offers other opportunities for further stimulation... [you can] massage and pleasure her body, caressing and stimulating the senses in her nipples and breasts," Richards says. "By watching her, the partner is able to watch and respond to her reaction too, offering the right arousing sexual language to really heat up the moment further."

5. Bring Toys Into The Mix

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An even better way to give yourself a little extra TLC in bed? Bring some awesome couples' sex toys into the mix! "From my experience serving clients who are seeking more pleasure in their sex lives, cowgirl doesn't work for a lot of women," Reba Corrine, sexpert consultant, tells Bustle. "Many women come to me seeking sex toys because G-spot stimulation simply isn't enough."

Don't be afraid to bust out a vibrator and have your partner use it on your clit — it's an instant sensation booster that will massively help you in your quest to reach orgasm.

6. Focus On Eye Contact

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If you're feeling a little overwhelmed in cowgirl, it always helps to lock eyes with your partner and remember that the two of you are sharing a special, sexy, and intimate moment — and that's what really matters. "Embrace the eye contact," Demille says. "Sex, especially for women, is about dominance through confidence. Men go absolutely crazy for a confident women and there’s nothing that will show your confidence more than dominant eye contact."

7. Radiate Confidence

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Being confident in bed is easier said than done for a lot of people, but it's also a major key to having good sex. "Take control when you're in this position and, if he's into it, talk dirty to [your partner]," Corrine says. "If you're intimidated by being on top, do some things to make yourself feel more confident and sexier: wear your sexiest piece of lingerie or your favorite scent. Reverse cowgirl is a great position to start with if you're not super confident being on top because you have more control and [they] can't see you sweat!"

Even if cowgirl still just isn't your thing, there's nothing wrong with that. The fun thing about sex is that it's so different for each individual, and our likes and dislikes are what make us who we are as sexual beings. It doesn't matter how you like to have sex — all that matters is that you're satisfied.