If you're a considerate lover, you probably care about making your partner orgasm. But you also probably care about making them comfortable, which means not pressuring them. So, if your partner doesn't orgasm with you, how do you try to change that situation without making them feel bad about it?
Anorgasmia (lack of orgasm) is one of the most common sexual problems people face. One study in the Journal of Adolescent Healthfound that 21.3 percent of young women and 8.3 percent of men experienced difficulty reaching climax. This can stem from many factors including stress, medications, and inadequate stimulation. Some people can orgasm alone but not with a partner, and many can orgasm from certain sexual acts but not others.
Approaching a partner's lack of orgasm is a delicate conversation. While you want to give them more pleasure for their own sake, you don't want to pressure them to perform for your sake. So, you have two options: You can directly discuss the fact that they haven't orgasmed, or you can be indirect about it and focus on how you can give them more pleasure.
"There are pros and cons to the direct and indirect route," Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate, tells Bustle. "The direct route, especially if not carefully stated, could result in defensiveness. On the other hand, the indirect route may make it unclear what is being said."
Here's what experts advise doing if you want your partner to orgasm (or orgasm more) but don't want to put them on the spot.