What To Do When You're Bored With Your Relationship
At some point or another, it’s normal to get bored with your relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean you want to end it. It can mean, however, that you need to spice things up, and fortunately, there are a lot of ways to do that. "Many relationships hit a dry spell where one or both partners feels that the excitement has left and the relationship has become boring," certified counselor Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle. "Sometimes this boring spell is normal, but other times it is an indication of a deeper problem."
A good rule of thumb to tell if your boredom's surmountable or not is to figure out whether both you and your significant other want to get past it. "If you and your partner share similar values, then the boredom issue can likely be fixed," says Bennett. "However, if you both have different ideas of what constitutes an exciting relationship, you might be incompatible and need to break up. For example, if one partner is a thrill seeker and the other is a dedicated homebody, then it will be hard for either person to be fully happy."
If you feel like your relationship's lost a sense of fun and excitement, here are some things you can do.
1. Ask Yourself If You Want To Work On It
Getting bored does not mean your relationship lacks lasting potential. But it may take some work to make it last. And if you're not serious enough about the relationship to do that work, that's totally fine. Some signs your heart's not really in your relationship are making future plans without thinking about your partner and constantly daydreaming about dating someone else or being single, NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. If you are invested enough to work through your boredom, proceed to #2.
2. Plan Date Nights
Give yourselves something fun to look forward to by planning date nights. Something new, like a cooking or dance class, can add excitement, relationship coach Cindi Sansone-Braff tells Bustle. If you don't have time to go out, indulge in a relaxing night in.
"Set the table, put out candles, and have a delicious meal together," Hershenson suggests. "Turn off electronics and focus on conversation."
3. Show Physical Affection
You can easily add more physical contact to your relationship by hugging and kissing hello and goodbye, holding hands, or snuggling up in front of the TV, says Hershenson. "Even non-sexual touching builds connection between partners."
4. Open Up To Each Other
If you feel like you already know everything there is to know about your partner, you're taking them for granted, says Sansone-Braff. There's always more we can know about people, so ask thought-provoking questions to rediscover how interesting your partner is.
5. Try Something New In Bed
From giving massages to watching porn together, there are endless ways to spice up your sex life. "Buy some lingerie, make love in a different time or place, or just start writing each other some erotic emails," Sansone-Braff says. "You could also schedule an affair with each other and meet for some afternoon delight."
All these things are totally doable and can make a big difference, so if you love your partner and are willing to work on the relationship, rest assured that it can survive a little boredom.