What Women Wish Their Partners Understood About Their Sexuality
Unfortunately, communicating about sex is not the norm in our culture. This can leave many people in the dark about their partners' preferences, desires, and needs. Women's sexuality in particular is often either not talked about at all or discussed based on stereotypes, like that women are more emotional or less visual. So, if women's partners knew what was really going on in their heads (and between their legs), they might be surprised.
Angie Gunn LCSW, Sexuality Expert at Talkspace, tells Bustle that due to poor sex education, many people remain in the dark about their partners' bodies and desires. "Basic anatomy and sexual health information is severely limited amongst many clients, which dramatically impacts intimacy," she says. How long does it take the female genitals to become erect/engorged and aroused? Can a non-erect penis reach climax? Where is the G-spot and what is squirting? How long and where should I touch before going right for the genitals? These and many more important questions speak to a lack of basic sexuality education and information that can dramatically improve sex."
To learn more about what we get wrong about women's sexualities — plural, because there is no one "female sexuality" — I asked women what they wished their partners understood about theirs. Here's what they said.
1. Liz, 29
"Don't focus so much attention on the body parts you know I don't like. It makes me too self-conscious to enjoy sex. Like for example, I hate my legs. So why do you keep staring at and kissing my legs? Ugh."
2. P., 45
"Feeling sexy is a mindset that takes time to ignite."
3. Kit, 32
"Just because I will sometimes take a submissive role does not mean I am a doormat or that anything goes."
4. Genevieve, 26
"I wish people wouldn't take advantage of the heat of the moment to push me into things I previously expressed a desire to avoid."
5. Kali, 31
"Its propensity to change over time."
6. S., 48
"That I'm not 18 and sex is a lot of work."
7. F., 50
"That I need subtlety to be interested — not to grab first."
These responses were all over the place, from wanting more foreplay to wanting less. The takeaway, then? Don't make assumptions about what your partner wants. Ask them.