Why Do We Date Emotionally Unavailable People? Astrology Can Explain That.

by Kristine Fellizar
Upset Young African Couple Sitting On Sofa Ignoring Each Other

There's nothing worse than falling for someone who's everything you could ever want only to find out that they're emotionally unavailable. No matter how loving, patient, and understanding you are, the person you're with won't give you the type of emotional connection or commitment that you ultimately want. Even if it's not the ideal situation, many still find themselves being drawn towards it. If you have a tendency to date emotionally unavailable people, it may be written in your birth chart.

Astrologers will look for different things in a person's birth chart to see what type of partners they attract, what type of partners they're attracted to, and how they approach love. If there's an aspect relationship between Venus and Neptune in your natal chart, astrologer Rachel Lang, tells Bustle, you may have a pattern of getting into relationships that aren't really right for you.

"When these two planets relate well with one another by aspect, the person will have a heightened sense of romance," Lang says. People with this type of a Venus-Neptune aspect are the ultimate romantics. They'll go all out for love, and may even express themselves through love letters or poetry.

But if Venus and Neptune are in hard aspect in your natal chart, you might have the tendency to fall in love with someone's potential. You're more likely to give people second and third chances, and stay with someone who's emotionally unavailable because you're optimistic that they'll open up and eventually change.

"I always tell my clients with Venus-Neptune relationships in their charts to make a list of non-negotiables rather than what qualities you want in a partner," Lang says. "Once you know what you absolutely don’t want, you’ll be able to set boundaries for yourself."

Having a Venus-Neptune aspect relationship in your chart isn't the only thing astrologers look for. Here are some other reasons why you you always date emotionally unavailable people, according to astrology.


You're Attracted To Fire Signs Or You Are One


Fire signs have the tendency to go all-in, pursue someone hard, and then lose interest right away. If you keep attracting Fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius), there's a good chance you may be attracting partners who just aren't into long-term commitment. As Leslie Hale, astrologer with, tells Bustle, Sagittarius in particular likes the chase and the excitement of the moment. "While Sagittarius is capable of settling down, it often takes them years to do it," she says. "If you're involved with a Sagittarius you should remember that boredom can be the death bell for this sign."

While Sagittarians are more likely to be unavailable, Leos tend to attract the unavailable. According to Hale, Leos have so much confidence that they can't see themselves failing. They're also known for their loyalty. That combination alone makes them more likely to stay in relationships with partners who aren't giving them as much as they actually want.


Your Sun Sign Is A Water Sign

If you're a Water sign (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces), there's a good chance that you attract emotionally unavailable people due to your emotional or spiritual entanglements. "Pisces, Scorpio, and Cancer all have unique sensitivities, and share one thing in common: the desire to feel deeply," relationship astrologer Raquel Reyes, tells Bustle. "This is for better or for worse."

For instance, Scorpios love a challenge and are drawn towards people who have an air of mystery to them. They'll stick around until they manage to break down the other person's walls and learn their secrets. Cancer is naturally nurturing and can love someone for their emotional potential than their proven emotional capacity. When they care about someone, they'll do their best to help even if it won't get them anywhere. Finally, Pisces is the ultimate dreamer. If anyone looks at love through rose-colored glasses, it's them.


You Have Venus In Aquarius Or In Your Twelfth House


If you have a hard time opening up and being emotionally available in your relationships, you might feel more comfortable being in situations with others who are similar. As astrologer Kim E. Woods, tells Bustle, "If you have a Venus in Aquarius or in your twelfth house, your love signature holds a hidden or distant composition. It’s difficult getting through to your hands-off character." People with these in their chart do want deeper connections, but don't always know how to access it. They need to be shown or taught. "Be self-aware as you may be the aloof one in relationship," Woods says. "Work on opening yourself up and welcoming love into your life."


You Have A South Node In Libra

In astrology, the South Node deals with the past, specifically your past life. If you have a South Node in Libra, you may have a tendency to give yourself completely to your relationships. "Their soul desires interdependent and healthy romantic commitments," Woods says. "These individuals just want to be careful not to erode their own needs and identities to their partners."

If you do find yourself attracting emotionally unavilable partners, you're not doomed. According to Reyes, there's an astrological hack anyone looking to have more fulfilling romantic connection should know.

"You want their Venus and your Moon to be in the same astrological sign," Reyes says. "Venus is what we value, and the Moon is our emotional self." So what they're looking for (their Venus), will be in perfect alignment with who you are inside (your Moon). "You’ll have to experiment with this and decide for yourself if the resonance is real, but you’ll probably be too busy falling in love and going on romantic weekend staycations to circle back," she says.

There are many different reasons for why someone has a tendency to attract emotionally unavailable people. These are just some specific things astrologers will look for. When you know that you have certain patterns, you can make the necessary changes to find the kind of partner and relationship you actually want.