Sex & Relationships

20 Sexts For Long-Term Couples Who Live Together

Let's get takeout, so there's more time to make out.

Yound woman using smart phone on the bed

Although your sex life may be at steamy as ever, "U up?" hits different when you and your boo share a bed that you picked out together at Ikea. If you're looking to spice up your inbox and your sex life, consider these sexts for long-term couples a blueprint for some titillating texting. When you and your partner live together, you may start to text more about paying the electric bill or buying the right toilet paper than your kinky fantasies or upcoming date night. And after months of quarantine, with no bars or parties insight, you and your boo may have fallen into a type of sexual routine.

Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of Breakup BOOST podcast, emphasizes the importance of also keeping the sexy stuff alive. "That spark and closeness remind you why you are together and helps you get through problematic times," Leckie tells Bustle. "If you don’t keep this alive, you may begin to feel more like friends or roommates."

Leckie adds that physical intimacy strengthens your emotional connection, builds trust, and relieves stress. For all those reasons (and you know, because sex is fun), here are 20 sexts to send your longtime boo to turn them on for a long time.


I’m taking care of dinner tonight. All you have to do is drink a glass of wine and get naked.

The daily stresses of everyday life can sneak their way into the bedroom. If your partner has a hard week at work or has been overwhelmed with family stuff, let them know that you've got their back. Establishing that the chores are done and running smoothly allows your partner to relax and feel totally present and sexy.


I'm standing alone at a bar in a tight, black dress. Suddenly, I feel your hand on my hip.

Role-playing with a long-term partner can be a great way to tap into different fantasies. Perhaps you take turns trying out dominant and submissive roles. Maybe you pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time. Sexting can be a great way to start role-playing because you're not looking at your partner. You can use texting to build up a fantasy and write an erotic story together.


Can you log into work late tomorrow? We haven't had morning sex in a while.

Although scheduling sex may not sound super sexy, it's a great way to keep intimacy a priority. Setting time aside to focus on pleasing and connecting means you and your boo can go at it for a while without worrying about checking your work email or meal prepping for the week. Additionally, suggesting a new time to have sex — like in the morning of the middle of the day — can be a spicy twist.


Thinking about that time we rented that lake house in Michigan with the dock. That was hot.

If your upcoming vacation plans are derailed, take a trip down memory lane. Describe the hottest vacation sex you've ever had with your partner, getting into detail about what made it so good.


I want to devour you on the kitchen counter.

After a few months of quarantine, maybe you and your boo have done it all over your apartment. However, if there's something you've always wanted to try (or to try again), telling them in a text is a sexy way to spice things up. It's easy to get into a sex rut when you're always going at it in the same place, suggesting a new location to get freaky can be exciting.


Trying to get some work done, but getting distracted thinking about how you taste.

Complimenting your partner's taste or smell can be a super intimate way to express how into them you are. Rather than just calling them hot or talking about their rocking bod', framing the conversation around your connection is sexy and romantic.


I want you to touch yourself until you're about to come, and then stop and beg me to let you finish.

Consensual power play is a great way to spice up a long-term relationship. Sexting can be particularly useful for this because you get to clearly type out your demands and desires in a concise way without interruption.


Thinking about the first time you made me come, when you went down on me in that tiny apartment above the Thai place.

Do you remember feeling nervous on your first date? Do you remember the first time they made you finish? Sexting can be a great way to tap back into the "honeymoon phase," or the early parts of your relationship when everything was still new.


I love how dependable you are. You make me feel so secure, and that is so sexy to me.

Giving your boo some love is a great way to get them in the mood. Remind them why you love them and why you feel lucky to be with them. Establishing that level of trust and care can help you both feel desired. "Focus on what you have to be grateful for and express gratitude to your partner," Leckie says. "Make them feel appreciated for even the little things because those are often the big things."


What was the hottest sex we've ever had? Tell me about it.

In addition to asking your partner about trying new things between the sheets, ask your partner to recount their favorite sex memories with you. Discussing your favorite sex memories is the perfect mix of nostalgic and arousing, and a great reminder of how connected you and your boo are.


Want to cancel all our plans and go at it for hours?

A little spontaneity goes a lot way. Ask your boo to stay in bed with you for the day and pretend the outside world doesn't exist. "Have a specified amount of time where you put the phones away and turn the TV off," Leckie says. "When you have too many distractions, it takes away from the quality time that you can spend together."


Tell me what you've always wanted me to do to you.

With your phone as a buffer, texting can be a great way to directly communicate about things you've always wanted to try or fantasies you've been thinking about — even with a long-term partner. "Take that time to really communicate with each other and listen," Leckie says. "Genuinely care about how your partner is feeling and what they are saying."


I love it when you bit my bottom lip.

Positive reinforcement is always hot. If you love it when your partner kisses your neck or spanks you a little, let them know. They may not even realize that something they do gets you off.


I feel so sexy when you kiss my neck.

Expressing when you feel sexy and desired is a great way to communicate your needs and wants to your partner. Rather than just listening to what you like or want, share when you feel amazing.


I was just thinking about you while masturbating in the shower.

Solo sex is still essential in a long-term relationship! Give yourself some loving, but let your partner know they were on your mind.


Ordering some new toys on the internet, thinking about all the things we will do with them.

If you and your boo have never brought a toy into the bedroom, sexting about it can be a great way to dip your toe into the sex tech pool. Even if you're sex toy pros, asking about new toys or texting about your favorites can be super sexy.


I just subscribed to an ethical porn website, I'd love to watch it together.

Watching porn with your partner can be a great way to talk about things you want to try and inspire some new moves or role-playing scenes. If there's a clip or video you know you like, send it to them or watch it together.


Let's get all dressed up tonight. I'll wear that blue lace thing you like.

After weeks of sweatpants and take out, getting all dressed up is a sexy way to reconnect with your partner and show each other that you both care about the relationship. "Put effort into getting ready," Leckie says. "You don’t need to leave your home to have a date — you just need to be creative."


Let's get takeout, so there's more time to make out.

Sometimes you don't want to cook, your friends are annoying, and everything seems to be going wrong. While it's easy to get swept up in pessimism, offering a solution to something (like getting takeout when you don't want to cook) lets you and your partner just focus on each other. "Maintain a positive mindset," Leckie says. "Negativity and complaining will only wear away at both of you."


U up?

When you live with your partner, chances are, you probably know if they are awake. But hitting your boo with a classic booty call text is a super silly way to make light of your relationship and let your partner know that you're feeling frisky and trying to get some action. You can be in a serious relationship without being serious all of the time.


Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of 'Breakup BOOST podcast'