While you'll find very few people who don't find the occasional — or daily — quickie exciting AF, sometimes our body craves more. Sometimes our brains, too, crave more, and that's where your foreplay routine comes into play.
According to 2017 research by the Kinsey Report and National Health Statistics report, the average amount of time a couple engages in foreplay is about 20 minutes. Which, considering it takes a woman at least 20 minutes to get aroused is a pretty fair amount of time.
But the problem with foreplay is that it can become routine. "Most people get into predictable routines with foreplay (a minute of kissing, a few strokes of a breast, and a lazy “take this off”)," Sex Therapist, Vanessa Marin, writes for Bustle. "If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you know how frustrating it can feel to know exactly what’s coming next."
While predictability can be a good thing, like how you know your grandma's chocolate chip cookies will always be the best and how watching puppy videos will always make your day a little better, when it comes to sex and foreplay, predictability isn't always a good thing. That's why you be me wanting to change it up. Here are nine ways to take your foreplay to the next level, according to experts.
1Start Before You Even See Each Other
Although foreplay is often considered something that people only do when they're with each other, it doesn't have to be that way — especially if you want to spice it up. Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, suggests starting foreplay when your clothes are still on, like when you're both still at work. Sexting, for example, is great for this. Sexting isn't just great for relationships, but awesome for tantalizing you and your partner well in advance.
2Act Out Scenes From A Movie
"Doing the same of anything can put a damper on pleasure," Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, psychotherapist and author of Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love, tells Bustle. "Act out scenes from movies! Go ahead, get into it. It will make you laugh — which helps increase closeness."
Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love by LeslieBeth Wish, $11.44, Amazon
I don't think I need to point out that when it comes to foreplay scenes from movies, 9 1/2 Weeks and Secretary are two great places to start. Both are pretty old school now that we're 2018, but still worth checking out for ideas if you haven't seen either one of them.
Even if you're not into role-play or acting out teacher/student fantasies, per se, Dr. Wish still suggests that this type of foreplay is good beginning — and no, it doesn't mean you need to don the traditional school girl outfit either.
"Take turns being the pupil and the teacher," says Dr. Wish. "Teach each other what you like." Giving your partner a lesson, about what you like, usually involves some touching which could, ideally, lead to mutual masturbation — something that will definitely spice up foreplay.
4Let Yourself Go
Whether it's watching porn to get sex tips or society as a whole, many people struggle with the "right" way to have sex and/or enjoy foreplay. It's because of these perceived "ideals" that people have a hard time relaxing and just going with it.
"There isn't just pressure on us to be sexy, but women and men are pressured to be sexual," board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman tells Bustle. "When you're worried about performance, you're much less likely to be able to simply relax and enjoy yourself. The more aware we become of these toxic societal pressures, the more we can feel empowered to free ourselves from their spells." Yes, for some us, spicing it up means learning to relax.
5Turn The Tables
"Play My Way," says Dr. Wish, "which is a variant on Play School. When it's Your Day, you request or explain what you want." This brand of foreplay can even extend into once the sex begins. Turning the tables on who does what and when, as opposed to your usual routine won't just spice up your foreplay, but spice up your sex life, too.
6Start In A Different Room
According to Dr. Wish, even changing the room in which you and your partner usually have sex can make a big difference in your foreplay. For example, if you start in the kitchen, you can reach in the fridge for some whipped cream if you want. Also, the new surroundings a very likely to have an effect on how you approach your foreplay, even inspiring ideas and concepts that may have never before crossed your mind.
7Try The Shower
If you've never incorporated the shower in your foreplay, now may be the time. Although shower sex still remains a fairly dangerous feat — albeit exciting AF — shower foreplay may be far safer. Dr. Wish recommends touching and stimulating each other in the shower before moving on to having sex elsewhere in the house.
8Get A Hotel Room
Really want to spice things up in such a way that your foreplay game is top-notch? Dr. Wish suggests getting a hotel room. Not only do you have those different surroundings, but there's this sort of "naughtiness" associated with hitting up a hotel, as if you're having an affair or doing something else that's off limits.
9Enjoy The Ride
"The most important ingredients with foreplay are enjoying the process and trying to read what your partner likes," says Dr. Edelman.
When it comes to spicing up foreplay, as these experts point out, there are different ways to do it. For some, spicing it up means being able to relax and enjoy it, while for others it means running off to the closest Motel 6. But now matter how you approach it, don't be afraid to be honest with your partner about your apprehensions, concerns, and what you want and don't want. That's the stuff that will really keep things extra spicy.