Some dates are perfectly mediocre. You got a good meal, you laughed a little, but ultimately there wasn’t a “spark,” and you sealed the night with a quick side hug knowing you’d never see each other again. Some dates are boring. You’re both super nervous,
the conversation didn’t flow easily, and you couldn’t get their vibe, even though they seem nice enough.
Other dates are straight-up bad. They were rude to the waiter, they talked over you about the facets of your job, they ordered the most expensive thing then
expected you to pay, and worst of all, they never picked up on the hint that you couldn’t get away fast enough. So if they ask you out again and you need to shut it down, these texts to send after a bad date will get the message across loud and clear.
rejecting someone can be intimidating, dating coach Clara Artschwager explains that being honest is the best way to be kind. Rather than leading someone on or giving them false hope, you’re cutting it off so they can go find someone that likes their annoying stories and open-mouth chewing. “You’re practicing direct, honest, transparent communication, being vulnerable with another individual, and allowing yourself to be seen,” Artschwager says.
Here are 25 texts to send after a truly bad date.
1 “I didn’t feel a connection, and I don’t think we should see each other again.”
If you’re a bit of a people-pleaser, you may be tempted to add a “You seem really cool!” or “I had a lot of fun!” but if the person was
not cool and the date was not fun, Artschwager explains there’s no use in lying. “It comes to a place of wanting to explain or take the pain away from the other person, and that’s not your job,” Artschwager says. “It’s your responsibility to be honest. It’s not your responsibility to manage their feelings.” 2 “Hey, I’m really not feeling it and I don’t want to lead you on.”
Some dates are just not it. Let them know where you’re at, they’ll likely appreciate your honesty.
3 “After meeting up, I don’t think we’re looking for the same things. All the best.”
A great back-and-forth texting rapport doesn't always translate to sexy IRL vibes. Let them know you’re not on the same page.
4 “I don’t think we’re a match, and I think it’s best if we don’t meet up again.”
“People would rather just hear that it is not going to work out than to feel they weren’t worth a text,”
Lori Salkin, senior matchmaker and dating coach tells Bustle. If you weren’t feeling it, you’re allowed to say so in a considerate and concise manner. 5 “The way you treated the waiter was uncalled for. I don’t think we should meet up again, and I hope you’re more considerate in the future.”
Artschwager notes that going on dates is part of a larger practice of learning to find love and meet new people. If you feel like giving some constructive feedback, let them know what you saw, and how it made you feel.
6 “Hey, thanks for last night. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s going to work out. All the best.”
“Nothing good can come of a long text explaining what about them did not work for you,” Salkin says. “That can actually do more harm than good. Simply say that you enjoyed meeting but don't see this as a match.”
7 “Hey, I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear last night, I don’t think we should meet up again. Good luck out there.”
If the bad date vibe was palpable, you may be surprised they even texted you. But rather than ignoring the text, Salkin suggests sending something short and clear. “I always say to put yourself in the other person's shoes,” Salkin says. “If you wouldn't like to be left hanging, you shouldn't leave someone else hanging.”
8 “So, I’m pretty sure we both got the vibe that this isn’t a match, but I wanted to thank you for drinks and wish you well.”
If it was pretty clear for all parties that you two weren’t going to be the love story of the century, you can address that your text probably isn’t a shock. Still, ensuring that everyone is on the same page leaves no room for confusion.
9 “I don’t like the way you talked about your ex, and I don’t think we’re a match. Please don’t text me again.” 10 “Hi, thanks for drinks last night. Ultimately I didn’t feel a connection. Be well.”
Though you may want to send the Randy Jackson, “That’s gunna be a no for me dawg” meme,
Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of encourages you to take the high road. “Doing it in a thoughtful and positive way is a classy move that shows maturity,” Leckie tells Bustle. The Breakup BOOST Podcast 11 “I don’t think we have that ‘spark,’ and I think we should part ways here.”
If you weren’t attracted to someone or you just weren’t getting a romantic vibe, you’re entitled to say so. Yet, Leckie encourages you to stay away from mean comments or talking about someone’s appearance. “It can be really hard for people to put themselves out there, so you don’t want to be the reason someone’s confidence takes a hit,” she says.
12 “Hey, I got caught up in the moment last minute and agreed to meet up again, but after sleeping on it, I don’t feel a connection and don’t think we should meet again.” Julie Spira, online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert notes it's easy to agree to hang out again at the end of a bad date in an effort to be polite or divert awkwardness. Yet, agreeing to plans you have no intentions of keeping isn’t a good way to go either. Besides, you’re just going to have to come up with reasons you can’t hang out later when they ask again, which is stressful in itself. 13 “I don’t think we have enough in common to really make this work and think we should end things here. Good luck out there.”
“Let your date you didn't feel you had enough in common to pursue a romantic relationship, then wish them the best of luck,” Spira says. “This way, you're showing some empathy towards them, as well as letting them know that you valued their time on the date.”
14 “Hey, hope you had a good night. I’m not sure I’m really feeling a connection here, but I wish you the best of luck.”
If you’re feeling generous with your emotions, you can send a nice note letting them down easy and wishing them the best.
15 “I don't think our lifestyles mesh and don’t think we should go out again.”
Noting your incompatible lifestyles is a broad, yet valid way to reject someone, Spira says. Rather than pinpointing one thing they do or listing all the reasons why you didn’t like them, you can frame it as an overall incompatibility.
16 “Hey, these texts are always awkward to send but I want to be honest, I don’t think we’re a match.”
“Not everyone you meet is going to be a perfect match, this is part of dating,” Leckie says. “So keep it short and sweet. No need to go overboard.”
17 “Your comments about people on OnlyFans made me super uncomfortable, and it’s clear we’re not a match. Please don’t reach out again.”
If your date was spewing offensive garbage all night, draw a hard boundary and let them know it’s capital-O Over.
18 “I want to be direct and say I’m just not feeling something here.”
If you’re used to telling people what they want to hear, Artschwager notes that being transparent with your feelings can feel weird. Yet, saying your truth as directly as possible will likely feel like a big weight off your shoulders.
19 “I don’t think that we’re compatible in terms of dating.”
According to Leckie, using “we” statements can read as kinder. “‘We’ feels less like a rejection and more as though it’s considering both people,” Leckie says. Rather than “I hate you” or “You need to shower,” framing your text around “we aren't a match” takes the heat off your date.
20 “Thanks for pizza the other night. This is always hard, but I think we should end things here.”
Artschwager continues that after a royally bad date, you don’t have to explain yourself. “All you have it say is, I'm not feeling a deeper connection here.”
21 “Thanks for the other night, but I don't think we should hang again.”
Rather than a fake “I had so much fun!” or “You seem really great” just thank them for their time and move on.
22 “I didn’t feel a connection, and I’d like to end our communication here.”
Making a declarative sentence that you’re not feeling it and will never be feeling it lets your date know where you stand.
Sources: Clara Artschwager, dating coach Lori Salkin, senior matchmaker and dating coach Trina Leckie, relationship coach and host of ‘The Breakup BOOST’ Podcast Julie Spira, online dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert