Being Busy Is Hot, Actually

If you’ve ever tried to “make time” for dating, don’t bother. And while you’re at it, you can forget about checking your texts and DMs regularly, too. According to a recent viral TikTok, it’s way more attractive to be booked and busy.

In a Jan. 15 post, @stevecole__ said, “I want to date someone who’s too busy to date me.” He went on to say, “If you have all day, every week, to date someone, you probably don’t have enough going on in your life.” It felt like he was looking for the protagonist from Sabrina Carpenter’s song “Busy Woman” in real life.

Instead of only focusing on dating, @stevecole__ said he likes it when someone’s focused on becoming the best version of themselves, whether that means growing a business, training, etc. “People are looking for their own happiness in someone else,” he added. “I want someone who has their own happiness, and then I’m just an addition to that.”

In his comments, people chimed in to say they felt the same way. One woman wrote, “Exactlyyyy, I will never text someone 24/7.” Others felt a sense of relief: “My calendar is STACKED until April already and I was like, ‘yeah so no one is going to take me seriously so I just won’t date yet,’ but now I have faith lol.” Here’s why it’s so hot.

Being Busy Is Hot

According to Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily Dating app, this viral TikTok points to a shift in dating culture. Instead of swiping all day and night, or centering your love life as the most important thing, there’s something so appealing about focusing on other goals — and letting your dates fill in the gaps.

“When someone says they're attracted to someone who is busy, that usually means they’re attracted to someone who has a full, engaged life,” she tells Bustle. “Someone with work they care about, friendships they invest in, routines, interests, and real responsibilities. ‘Busy’ doesn’t mean unavailable or avoidant. It means their life has pre-existing structure and momentum with meaning, and dating is an addition to that life, not the thing holding it together.”

It’s refreshing to see being busy as a pro, especially if you’re someone who isn’t glued to your phone and the dating apps. When you prioritize doing things you enjoy, you can remain open to a relationship that fits into your existing life.

It also weeds out those who wouldn’t ever be able to appreciate you. In @stevecole__’s comments, someone recalled a past relationship ending because of their hectic life. “I got ghosted because throughout my work day I wouldn’t text him until I got home.” Now imagine having a partner who appreciates that you put your work goals first, rather than being intimidated by it. You’d know from the jump that your values were aligned.

Another commenter wrote, “Why don’t more people understand this? I am busy!! I will make time for you, but my time is precious,” they said. It’s why someone penciling you into their schedule is a major compliment. “Time has value, so when they choose to spend it with you, it means something,” Nguyen says. “That can make a date feel more intentional and rewarding.”

This belief isn’t just about embracing your busy lifestyle. It’s also about looking for more compatible matches. “Having a fulfilling life makes dating healthier, not harder,” Nguyen says. “When your sense of worth comes from multiple places, you’re less likely to fixate on the person you’re dating and see them with more clarity.”

Where To Meet Busy People

This trend begs the question: How do you meet busy people? As @stevecole__ said, “Lord knows they aren’t at the bars 24/7.” And they probably aren’t swiping all that often, either. To track them down, Nguyen recommends meeting busy people where they are.

“If you’re invested in your career, that might mean networking events or professional meetups,” she says. “If you enjoy fitness or hiking, it could be classes, group workouts, or exploring local trails, and being open to conversation. Dating apps can always be part of the mix, but try to combine it with meeting people in person where they’re already spending their time doing something they care about.”

You can also show that you’re busy in your dating profile with photos that reflect how you spend your time. “That might be a pottery class, training for a marathon, or traveling with friends,” Nguyen says. “It shows you’re engaged in your life and that dating is a complement, not a means to complete something.

Creativity is also key. Creator @sarapoptarts said a guy she was talking to found a free night in her schedule and sent a Calendar invite for dinner. “IDK why this was hot,” she said. Maybe, instead of feeling bad for being too busy for a first date, this is your reminder to focus on yourself. Eventually, the right person will make it work.

Source:

Julie Nguyen, certified dating coach at Hily Dating app