It’s not always easy to trust people, especially if you’ve been burned in the past. If you've had crappy experiences with other people, you may find it particularly difficult to figure out how to tell if someone is trustworthy. If people have shown you that you can’t rely on them or believe what they say, how are you supposed to be able to put full confidence in another? Counting on someone with all of your heart is terrifying. But trust is needed in building a foundation with a romantic partner. If you think having faith in others is difficult, it might be an extra challenge to have faith in your significant other.
Trust isn’t just given out of nowhere. When you first start dating a person, you build it together. You and your partner will show each other how trustworthy you both are. And hopefully, after time, that certainty is formed and you can feel at ease being vulnerable with one another. With that being said, sometimes we trust too easily as well. We don’t see the red flags of a shady person — or maybe, we choose to ignore them. Of course we want to believe that the person we are with is 100 percent honest. Anything else seems inconceivable. It's important not to get paranoid, but you also don't want to keep yourself completely in the dark.
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Here are the signs that may mean you can’t fully trust your partner.
1. A Shady Past
Just like in A Christmas Carol, the ghost of the past will make it’s way through. Be sure to be in the know about your partner’s past. Asking questions about his or her previous relationship history is a good way to gauge his or her beliefs and values. Has he or she been cheated on before? Or done the cheating? If the answer to the latter is yes, you may want to dig for more information.
2. Little White Lies
A little white lie will often reveal something more than just “little.” If you have caught your significant other telling little white lies more than a few times, you may want to search for the bigger lies. I don't mean when your partner lies and says your new haircut "looks amazing" even if it doesn't. What I'm referring to is if your significant other is lying about things that don't make sense to lie about (lying about where he or she was, lying about spending money, lying about his or her past, etc.). If he or she is completely comfortable with telling small lies, it might make you wonder how much they differ on bigger lies. A lie is a lie, no matter how big or small.
3. Gut Feeling
Sometimes we feel things in our gut and we don’t even know why. If you feel that you can’t trust your partner deep within, there might be something to it. Maybe your intuition is picking up on something your brain hasn’t yet. Your gut is trying to tell you something, whether or not you want to hear it. If this is the case, bring up your intuition to your partner. At the very least, you two will be on the same page with what is going through my mind, or better yet, your gut.
A person who can’t be trusted is going to give off a secretive vibe from time to time. If you notice your partner is sneaky or has been withholding information, your lying radar should be going off. So if you don’t feel like your other half is opening up about everything and there are parts that you are shielded from, a serious conversation should be had.
5. Things Don't Make Sense
When someone is untrustworthy, things won’t be adding up. Stories won’t make complete sense. Timelines will be a little off. And something just doesn’t seem right. When a person lies, he or she will start to mess up at some point. This is where you will start to see the red flags. If your partner said they “went to the store” but then another story she or he said they “went to the gym,” you’ve got a liar on your hands. Whether or not you want to wash your hands clean of this person is all up to you.
6. No Support
Trusting your partner doesn’t just mean in terms of cheating. You need to trust your partner that he or she will be there when you need him or her. If you need a shoulder to cry on and your significant other is nowhere to be found, you may want to rethink things. If your girlfriend or boyfriend knows that you need support and can’t offer it, how are you supposed to trust your heart with that person?
7. Lack Of Information
Liars and cheaters love to think that withholding information is not the same as lying. This is how they can justify things and make it all right within their head. Therefore, if you catch your lover withholding information, this may be a sign there is a lot more that you don’t know. If your partner isn’t giving you all the 4-1-1, there could be a reason for that. Point this lack of information out to your partner to see how he or she reacts. Do it in person, so you can have a good read on whether or not he or she is lying, or if the lack of information makes sense.